Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting...

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 176

You deserved it 14 899

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 185

You deserved it 20 932

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 15 983

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 85

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 6 428

Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 829

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 19 736

Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 6 663

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 482

lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

amber3120 15

Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:20

I dont even wanna know ..

biopilot17 9

Wednesday 27 May 2015 3:14

At least you saw her pussy

rmllavaneras 19

Wednesday 27 May 2015 17:36

I can't even quantify the magnitude of wrong that is.

x407demonx 7

Monday 1 June 2015 4:25

That's awesome.

JustShootMeFML 32

Monday 1 June 2015 7:30

That is gross. She thought the best time to show you was after a week of dating? Wonder what she will show you next week.

asm9296 3

Wednesday 3 June 2015 19:30

quit whining.

Yodamine34 16

Friday 5 June 2015 6:17

Dude, you've only been dating a week and she's already showing you ****** tricks? That's awesome!

Yodamine34 16

Friday 5 June 2015 6:20

*Awesome

thepandaman01 8

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:13

Oh... Oh my...

sandman676 20

Monday 22 June 2015 7:24

Jackpot dude

austingw 5

Wednesday 24 June 2015 16:47

why did she put milk in her ****** to begin with, and does it only work with milk?

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Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

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Today, in his will, my dad laid the blame squarely at my feet for his depression, alcoholism, liver failure, suicide attempt and eventual death, not because of anything I did, just for being born in the first place. He never wanted a kid, resented becoming a dad and drank to make the depression bearable. FML

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Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML

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You deserved it 1 708