Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML
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Top comments
TheZman 0
You should have proceded to take a needle and pop those bitches
Nitros_fml 0
Well if she dumps you, say "Hmm isnt the left one slightly bigger?" No matter who tells her they are fine, it will still eat away at her :)
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Comments (198)
tacoking5000 0
carped u obviosly fail completely it's tru dat, NOB
victoria4161993 0
how bout you date a girl with real boobs??
_GODZILLA_ 0
She's a stupid bitch, then.
wednesdeyy 5
You should have ripped them off and shoved them down her throat. Stupid *****.
Poyzinblud 0
A little pro-tip, buddy: if she's looking for new ****, she's not looking to get them for you. She's already got you with HER ****, and now with bigger ones? She's just casting out those DDs into the dating pool and trying to reel in the next sucker.
daeemann 1
That sucks dude. But you're kind of a moron. Did she convince you to get her the boob job, cause if you wanted a woman w/ bigger boobs you should have just gone out and found someone w/ natural ones. The jokes on her though. Only douchebags tend to like fake breasts. Too bad you just lost several thousand dollars.
nickk55 0
ya but it took 5 years haha still what a cow tho
TwinRoxas 7
You deserve better than a girl whose fake boobs are way bigger than her little brain.
courtbby 0
haha so the whole "eeew" to fake boobs? seriously, get real. it's part of life. if ur not happy with the way u look, u can get it fixed by a doctor.
Sinsation 7
I don't know why you would ever pay for something like that for a girl.