Miscellaneous: Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said...

By Ravenclaw/Puckwudgie

Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said friend then burst out laughing, saying my haircut made me look like Professor Snape. FML

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Miscellaneous

Trip Advisor says no

Kick the bum out, part 2

Get the message, dude

By crap

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

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By unemployable - United States

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

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32160

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By -__- - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

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27096

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By Katie - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

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43588

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By Shocked

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

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4604

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By AgathedeBlouse - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

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27487

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By theblackrose23 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

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By majorlyturnedoff - United States

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31163

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By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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10655

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By x - United States - Lake Placid

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

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23467

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By why me - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

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11294

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

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6466

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

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41693

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By littl3storm

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

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1792

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181

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By Grubendol - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27530

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By possibly a sweater - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

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43413

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24279

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By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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31838

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8044

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By not anymore - United States - Monroe

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

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27328

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 05:02

Sticky situation

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

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330

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893

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

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2140

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By SomeGuyInNY - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, I volunteered to tend bar at a friend's charity event. I was called incompetent and had a drink thrown at me for stirring a martini instead of shaking "like they do in James Bond". I've been tending bar for 30 years and have never had a drink thrown at me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4638

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314

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

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25013

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By anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

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71099

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By Faxshadow - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

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25565

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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42451

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By I'm a moron

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

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574

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3063

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By Damnit - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. 2 weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they can't make it that day and turning up any way after going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

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157

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By depressedskatergirl - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

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44306

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3060

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By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40911

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12366

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By crazygirl10 - United States

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

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12499

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33039

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By Anonymous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

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42534

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60180

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53947

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By smidge - United States

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54457

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2617

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66552

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28815

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By Sam - United States

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

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33835

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By Nosexever?

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3046

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226

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By crazymirrors - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46841

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By anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

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1702

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Top comments

By Druu | 53

#7451394 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 0:03

"Your new haircut makes you look like Snape." "Ugh, again?" "Always."

By RichardPencil | 29

#7451403 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 0:26

Tell her that her pants make her butt look like Hagrid's. Yell "expelliarmus" and walk off.

COMMENTS

By Druu | 53

#7451394 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 0:03

"Your new haircut makes you look like Snape." "Ugh, again?" "Always."

By RichardPencil | 29

#7451403 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 0:26

Tell her that her pants make her butt look like Hagrid's. Yell "expelliarmus" and walk off.

By Cierra Amond | 14

#7451419 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 0:55

Snape lives on!

Lalala579121 | 27

#7451438 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 2:34

Don't listen to Dumbledore's lies! I'm professor Snape of Hogwarts!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7451421 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 1:06

"10 points from Gryffindor!"

By LennyComa | 39

#7451535 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 9:01

Snape is by far the best Harry Potter Character, take 10 points for Slytherin and rock the new do

By StarkWolf_fml | 23

#7451547 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 9:35

wands up everyone /*

Miss_Red | 17

#7451595 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 11:41

mikkigrlxx | 13

#7451876 - Tuesday 9 May 2017 21:14

By Winchesterbride | 9

#7452058 - Wednesday 10 May 2017 7:27

wait that's actually a good thing

By band_geek | 18

#7452610 - Thursday 11 May 2017 3:45

There's part of me that's laughing, but at the same time, as a huge PottHead, this has officially become my personal top fave FML story.

By pinkpanther61789 | 15

#7455159 - Monday 15 May 2017 13:15

Hey guys, op here. I just found out this got published and am pretty surprised. But it was an easy fix, I've chosen to rock my natural curly hair until it grows out.

By sofia.dakota.leiva | 2

#7455824 - Tuesday 16 May 2017 20:05

I HAD THE EXACT SAME PREDICAMENT I WENT TO SCHOOL AND ALL MY FRIENDS LAUGHED AT ME AND I WANTED TO PUNCH THEM BUT I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH LOL