Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's...

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 00:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

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By Hard in flip flops - 21/1/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

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By titou - 5/1/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

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By crushed - 30/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML

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By a tad whipped - 28/4/2013 20:44 - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

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By Beth - 13/4/2012 14:12 - Australia - Perth

Today, my fiancé's mother tried to arrange a marriage for him to a nice Indian girl, again. We've been engaged for a year, and the wedding is in a month. FML

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By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Soon.

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 06:29 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over 2 years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML

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By everybodypoops - 2/8/2017 20:00

"Pooping and Shit"

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

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By kingpig - 2/2/2012 18:00 - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

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By anonymous - 14/3/2010 05:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size he asked for me to find a ring that I liked and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh the generosity. FML

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By Rae - 2/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

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By Lucky - 21/6/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2015 19:37 - Canada

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 14:00

You ass!

Today, my jerk of an ex messaged to apologize for dumping me two weeks ago. I took the high road and was overtly polite and friendly, hoping to end things civil. Our conversation ended when he casually mentioned he is moving in with his new girlfriend. FML

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By Kaitlyn Aronson - 7/12/2018 15:30

Today, my coworker spilled sticky fruit glaze all over my cake display cake and left it overnight uncleaned. The same display case I spent 2 hours cleaning the day before. FML

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By StillHurt - 19/1/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

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By FLIPmcCOOL - 15/5/2014 22:57 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2014 00:20 - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

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By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

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By Cress - 11/2/2018 19:00

Today, my dad asked what I wanted for my birthday. The only thing I wanted was the complete series of Dragon Ball Z on DVD. He just sighed, shook his head, and asked me to pick something normal. FML

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By Something I said? - 5/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Jugan - 19/10/2012 21:44 - France - Vaulx-milieu

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

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By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

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By StarWarsGeek - 21/11/2013 06:00 - United States

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

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By ShowerheadGirl - 9/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

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By mr - 27/7/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

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By missmycomp - 12/11/2009 14:36 - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

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By John - 30/6/2012 05:08 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

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By exiebestie - 26/4/2016 01:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

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By beekeke45 - 25/6/2011 13:39 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

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By stachattack - 23/12/2017 15:00

Today, I reassured everyone at work that the mark on my lip was just a pimple, not a cold sore. It's actually neither. I, a 21-year-old young woman, slipped while shaving my moustache and sliced off part of my lip. FML

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By groundedasfuck - 24/5/2014 20:24 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By the girlfriend - 26/8/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

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By Rakayla - 29/6/2019 12:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 02:05

Dealing with it

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2015 02:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

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Top comments

By alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1868619 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

I'm sorry OP :( That's absolutely terrible. Forget about her. The FML should be that your mother has cancer, not that your girlfriend is a bitch.

By schwancy | 2

#1868623 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

Do you really want to be with someone as rediculous as that?

COMMENTS

By revelo760 | 2

#1868605 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:09

that really suckks!:O

babyale760 | 0

#1869079 - Monday 20 December 2010 10:19

op, just forget that bitch. move on and get another girl.

dharmistha | 0

#1869084 - Monday 20 December 2010 10:21

agreed

dramaa | 0

#1869227 - Monday 20 December 2010 11:10

sounds like she was looking for any excuse to dump you. but that is very shitty of her, you'll find someone who cares for you. I promise

DishHeads | 9

#1869982 - Monday 20 December 2010 14:42

yeah I don't see the FML here. You got free from that brat so ydi

iSitt | 0

#1870955 - Monday 20 December 2010 21:14

ydi for dating someone in PETA

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1890456 - Saturday 25 December 2010 16:54

no, your ex is just a over sensitive bitch.

Herropreez17 | 0

#2688258 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 20:26

Poor doggie..... oh and that stuff about your mom sucks too.

By lsk91 | 3

#1868609 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:09

fyl op...that's just bad :(

By alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1868619 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

I'm sorry OP :( That's absolutely terrible. Forget about her. The FML should be that your mother has cancer, not that your girlfriend is a bitch.

White_Fury | 0

#1869094 - Monday 20 December 2010 10:23

I really wish I had something clever to say... but honestly I just think you are cute. :)

alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1869106 - Monday 20 December 2010 10:25

41- Cleverness isn't always necessary. And thank you :)

White_Fury | 0

#1869209 - Monday 20 December 2010 11:03

Anytime. I always find your comments amusing :)

Mubus | 0

#1869291 - Monday 20 December 2010 11:30

Totally agree with #3. Actually this is first time I felt bad for someone on this site but OP if she was my GF, I would say good riddance. Sorry about your mom man and she gets cured.

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1869447 - Monday 20 December 2010 12:23

#3 is pretty cute =) I see why it distracted you to say something clever

alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1869830 - Monday 20 December 2010 14:05

52- I find your comments equally amusing. I'm going to message you.

60- My feeling exactly. I have felt bad for OPs before but this FML is just horrible. People have the audacity...

66- Thank you :)

kellykerplunkksl | 0

#1870849 - Monday 20 December 2010 20:36

So all I have to do is act like a tool to get girls on the Internet? Whoa, it works just like irl!

alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1870927 - Monday 20 December 2010 21:05

119- I don't think you know the definition of "tool". How could you know my reasoning for messaging him in the first place.

By schwancy | 2

#1868623 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

Do you really want to be with someone as rediculous as that?

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1868720 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:19

ditto

mintcar | 9

#1868906 - Monday 20 December 2010 9:44

Ridiculous**

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1869263 - Monday 20 December 2010 11:23

I don't know why, but that bothers me. I'f you can understand what someone wrote why correct it?

Bekll | 30

#1869311 - Monday 20 December 2010 11:36

Then the world would become overrun with bad spellers and we'd be DOOMED.

gooBUZZ | 0

#1869632 - Monday 20 December 2010 13:13

How wud we b dooms if u can stil understnd wat it is thts bein said?

I also agree, it is annoying when people correct tiny mistakes, but yes otherwise everyone would spell bad, like I did above. ^.