Love: Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's...

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 00:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 979

You deserved it 3 359

Love

Dysfunctional

You tried

Stalker vibes

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 286

You deserved it 121

April Fool's

By Ballprankster - 02/04/2021 16:57 - United States - New York

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 1 298

By annonymous - 19/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 249

You deserved it 2 695

By TheComedyAudio - 25/02/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 437

You deserved it 852

By Miguel - 20/08/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 238

You deserved it 5 611

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 17:25 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 825

You deserved it 13 386

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 086

You deserved it 3 225

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 837

You deserved it 24 953

Time is running out

By TravellingDr - 31/12/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I'm accepting professional defeat and preparing to move. My state has one of the lowest vaccine rates in the country. If I have to see another ICU full of people with Covid just because they chose not to get vaccinated, I'll become one of those doctors who think all patients are stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 400

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 143

By assoutofuandme - 14/02/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 082

You deserved it 59 270

By Rae - 02/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 213

You deserved it 2 794

By anonymous - 14/07/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 405

You deserved it 9 847

By Anonymous - 10/02/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 868

You deserved it 8 452

By neryc - 04/07/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 392

You deserved it 4 519

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 683

You deserved it 3 845

RIP FML

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 07:01 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I watched my grandmother's funeral on a webcam. She died at 95 because the overwhelmed hospital kept putting back her pacemaker operation. I hadn't seen her in two years. Fuck Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 84

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 18:30

Today, while trying to help my disabled uncle into his walker, his one testicle popped out of the leg of his short shorts. I asked him to adjust himself and had to hold on to his walker as he did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 214

By Tea_baggins - 06/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 268

You deserved it 19 705

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 09:02

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 280

You deserved it 7 753

By pchemist - 22/02/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 272

You deserved it 6 958

Nice guy self-reporting

By Gamaliel - 27/06/2021 22:01

Today, I saw the girl I've had a crush on since forever go on another Facebook rant talking about, “All men are the same!” She does this every time she gets her heart broken by some jerk. I’ve been trying to get with her for about 6 years, and she’s yet to give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 619

Hackerman

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 04:59

Today, someone hacked my Facebook and is posting countless pictures of poop, saying it’s mine. I'm beyond embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 127

By so bored -__- - 25/02/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 561

You deserved it 31 118

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 3 013

By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 261

You deserved it 5 296

Trashcan addiction

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 400

By tardspawn - 05/04/2015 15:38 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 3 969

Weren't there two girls?

By Megan - 19/03/2018 01:30

Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 4 513

By Tank - 16/07/2016 23:14 - Canada

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together, I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 548

You deserved it 751

By nowork - 28/08/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 263

You deserved it 7 716

Chill out, Judy

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 08:01

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 65

Alexa, play "I Get Around" by The Beach Boys

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Levittown

Today, I went to the local street fair and ran into my boyfriend of five years. He was with his girlfriend of ten years. We both had no idea about each other. His family knew we both existed, and never said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 105

By Well, crap - 18/06/2013 15:02 - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 306

You deserved it 22 193

By Alliente - 17/07/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 3 804

By Howimetmybrother - 05/12/2017 06:00

Today, to repay my brother who's been hosting me, I took his laundry out to wash. Loading the machine, I gave a tug on the corner of a towel and the biggest dildo I've ever seen flew out of the basket and bounced to a stop in the middle of the floor. Every. One. Saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 265

You deserved it 924

By Satan - 15/03/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 332

You deserved it 9 151

By Robert - 31/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, a brief survey of everyone I know revealed that everyone, including my parents, sibling, and best friends, thinks I'm gay. I had to do the first reverse coming out in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 372

You deserved it 434

By evenmybodyhatesme - 15/05/2016 06:47 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 414

You deserved it 1 241

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Top comments

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

I'm sorry OP :( That's absolutely terrible. Forget about her. The FML should be that your mother has cancer, not that your girlfriend is a bitch.

schwancy 2

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

Do you really want to be with someone as rediculous as that?

revelo760 2

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:09

that really suckks!:O

babyale760 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 10:19

op, just forget that bitch. move on and get another girl.

dharmistha 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 10:21

agreed

dramaa 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 11:10

sounds like she was looking for any excuse to dump you. but that is very shitty of her, you'll find someone who cares for you. I promise

DishHeads 9

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Monday 20 December 2010 14:42

yeah I don't see the FML here. You got free from that brat so ydi

iSitt 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 21:14

ydi for dating someone in PETA

dancingxthexmoon 0

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Saturday 25 December 2010 16:54

no, your ex is just a over sensitive bitch.

Herropreez17 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 20:26

Poor doggie..... oh and that stuff about your mom sucks too.

lsk91 3

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:09

fyl op...that's just bad :(

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

I'm sorry OP :( That's absolutely terrible. Forget about her. The FML should be that your mother has cancer, not that your girlfriend is a bitch.

White_Fury 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 10:23

I really wish I had something clever to say... but honestly I just think you are cute. :)

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 10:25

41- Cleverness isn't always necessary. And thank you :)

White_Fury 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 11:03

Anytime. I always find your comments amusing :)

Mubus 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 11:30

Totally agree with #3. Actually this is first time I felt bad for someone on this site but OP if she was my GF, I would say good riddance. Sorry about your mom man and she gets cured.

FrenchToast94 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:23

#3 is pretty cute =) I see why it distracted you to say something clever

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 14:05

52- I find your comments equally amusing. I'm going to message you. 60- My feeling exactly. I have felt bad for OPs before but this FML is just horrible. People have the audacity... 66- Thank you :)

kellykerplunkksl 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 20:36

So all I have to do is act like a tool to get girls on the Internet? Whoa, it works just like irl!

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 21:05

119- I don't think you know the definition of "tool". How could you know my reasoning for messaging him in the first place.

schwancy 2

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:10

Do you really want to be with someone as rediculous as that?

H3ALTHFR3AK 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:19

ditto

mintcar 9

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:44

Ridiculous**

H3ALTHFR3AK 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 11:23

I don't know why, but that bothers me. I'f you can understand what someone wrote why correct it?

Bekll 31

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Monday 20 December 2010 11:36

Then the world would become overrun with bad spellers and we'd be DOOMED.

gooBUZZ 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 13:13

How wud we b dooms if u can stil understnd wat it is thts bein said? I also agree, it is annoying when people correct tiny mistakes, but yes otherwise everyone would spell bad, like I did above. ^.