Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night...

By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

I agree, your life sucks

82325

You deserved it

7217

Favorite

Love

Creepy

The end of the road

My body, my choice

By WhatTheFuck - 30/7/2015 15:30 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26008

You deserved it

1749

Favorite

By flymetothemoon - 27/9/2017 20:00

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1961

You deserved it

4159

Favorite

By NikkiiFireStarter - 20/10/2009 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41992

You deserved it

2907

Favorite

By don't pray, PAY - 23/3/2017 20:00

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5297

You deserved it

1220

Favorite

By looking - 25/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41294

You deserved it

17582

Favorite

By DC - 11/10/2016 13:41 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14764

You deserved it

1508

Favorite

By dreamdude - 20/9/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65195

You deserved it

4050

Favorite

By verno02 - 10/8/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35928

You deserved it

8754

Favorite

By PiaNO - 10/11/2009 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42188

You deserved it

3516

Favorite

By emeraldapostle - 17/5/2019 01:59

Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By Trey Deluna - 3/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33382

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By probablydeadbymidnight - 1/7/2012 22:57 - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23202

You deserved it

7746

Favorite

By shaft2112 - 3/12/2015 20:19 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23333

You deserved it

1433

Favorite

By EternalBlossom - 14/7/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28415

You deserved it

23825

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 22:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By sistertaxi - 14/5/2015 14:23 - Australia

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33673

You deserved it

2641

Favorite

By CheddarJack89 - 1/12/2012 08:35 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23717

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 14:02

Smash capitalism

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 12:48 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52180

You deserved it

4393

Favorite

By Crying - 16/4/2017 02:00

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4677

You deserved it

350

Favorite

By ChocolateEverywhere - 23/3/2017 00:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4672

You deserved it

446

Favorite

By hadakanbo - 17/4/2020 05:00

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1551

You deserved it

497

Favorite

By despacito - 28/8/2018 23:30

Today, my brother stole my hard drive and wiped it. My hard drive had a 10-page school project on it. The project is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3240

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11925

You deserved it

3486

Favorite

By Jess - 20/8/2019 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1205

You deserved it

450

Favorite

By fatty mcfatfuck - 24/6/2020 02:02

Dietitian is the recognized title

Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1798

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By Alycat - 8/7/2017 14:29

Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5747

You deserved it

826

Favorite

By AbFlab - 1/6/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34687

You deserved it

5191

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/11/2015 08:48 - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26396

You deserved it

2255

Favorite

By "schober60" - 15/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2144

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By justine - 13/12/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43836

You deserved it

3058

Favorite

By fuck you, mum - 11/1/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40514

You deserved it

4115

Favorite

By anon - 9/7/2011 04:48 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35120

You deserved it

7389

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/12/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30020

You deserved it

4135

Favorite

By Josh - 27/9/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29311

You deserved it

5794

Favorite

By notsexy - 28/7/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55595

You deserved it

8402

Favorite

By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30349

You deserved it

2847

Favorite

By ugh - 8/6/2012 04:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31193

You deserved it

9141

Favorite

By Lost5dollars - 8/8/2017 14:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4043

You deserved it

1056

Favorite

By Shampoodle - 11/10/2017 21:45

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3274

You deserved it

381

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cherngbutter | 0

#183854 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you...maybe FHL because she had a hangover or something. Don't lose hope! haha

By fmylifedotcomm | 0

#183860 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:15

it doesn't necessarily have to be about you...
maybe she ate a bug or something...

COMMENTS

By AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#183814 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:09

Lol. second time first. I lost my fml comment virginity twice.

crigger61 | 7

#1525963 - Sunday 10 October 2010 6:32

irony ftw

By purplestuff_fml | 0

#183817 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:10

YUMmMm | 0

#985455 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 1:47

OP who says that status is for you? what if she's just saying FML bc of smbody else?

kasumirock | 13

#4357352 - Thursday 26 April 2012 10:47

She said that because she friendzoned you for a reason. It's harsh, but it's the truth.

By shiroun | 0

#183822 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:10

you should her, then tell all your friends.

By foreverxalwaysx | 0

#183845 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

By Hacksaw | 4

#183846 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Dang, that sucks. Sorry to hear that, man.

By Musikal | 0

#183851 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Ouch.

By cherngbutter | 0

#183854 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you...maybe FHL because she had a hangover or something. Don't lose hope! haha

By fmylifedotcomm | 0

#183860 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:15

it doesn't necessarily have to be about you...
maybe she ate a bug or something...

By imthejuggernautt | 0

#183862 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:15

What is this i don't even

By Alice_Renee | 0

#183866 - Sunday 10 May 2009 2:16

Fuck man! That sucks!