Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
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Top comments
brennboo 3
haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha
brennboo 3
I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)
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Comments (115)
iSexxxy 0
That's hot.
Mylees 0
this is the most boring post I've seen here
Dragons_corner 6
I agree you posted nothing interesting.....oh wait you mean the OP. well you still posted nothing interesting :(
bansheebomber 14
Epic. Win. ^.^
psychochick29 0
hahahahha When the boys took my hubby out for his bachelor party, one of the "adult entertainers" did that to him... and then wedgied him... so bad she ripped his boxers! Luckily for him, I thought it was hilarious! Apparently wedgies and beatings are "sexy" rotfl
CallMeHush 1
Ahhhh, good times at The Clam Shack, good times.
mrahhhhh 21
Were you so unaroused that you actually counted how many times you got spanked? If the answer is yes you can hold your load for a very long time and should become a **** star. You can count the number of times your co-star moans. Unfortunately you'll probably lose track in the first 5 minutes after you get to 262 moans and 51 "**** me"s.
queencitystoner 0
kill yourself
mrahhhhh 21
Sure why not? But I don't have any weapons... You look like a pretty fat ****. Why don't you try to asphiaxiate (I know I spelled it wrong) me using those gigantic fat rolls?
mnemonicdaze 0
I think the only reason he knew why he was hit 25 times was because it was his 25th birthday and she was giving birthday licks. And I don't think you should kill yourself. Your post was funny.
mrahhhhh 21
Thanks, mnemonicdaze. You took away the pissed-off state that #31 put me in (no lie). :)
mnemonicdaze 0
I try my best. No need to sweat over fat stoner trolls. :-)
Xavi89 0
haha.
xdanixx 0
hahaha shame
at1325 0
shitty fml. that's like procedure for birthdays at strip clubs. it always tradition to get birthday spankings n if u go to a strip club of course they will turn it into kinky s n m. what did u really expect to happen. there are people who really get off on that too
rommie_fml 0
I agree with 39. the inner workings of a strip club are an enigma.
RedPillSucks 33
When did strip clubs become the Illuminati? I thought that was reserved for FML
Shaggy_92 5
lol man that sounds pretty funny. red ass from a tittu bar