Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
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Top comments
brennboo 3
haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha
brennboo 3
I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)
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Comments (115)
DamnTheMan 0
Dude you're 25 and you didn't know thats what they do to the birthday boy at a strip club? That's pathetic. Are you like a Mormon or something? Only excuse I can think of right now.
DarkHelmet 10
So it's happened to you too huh...I wasn't as cheap as you though; my friends gave me 2 $20's and I got spanked with my belt and 4 girls' *******...Good Times!!!
vinylcat 0
wait...your complaining? WTF
NoFackYourLife 0
Been there done that... holding onto a ships wheel, and asking for more. Gotta love the navy!
bongomanacome 0
how the **** is your life ******?
sajor 0
why is this the norm for strip clubs? just wondering why cause I saw a guy once go to the strip club for his birthday, get put on stage, handcuffed to the pole and spanked with a belt HARD on his ass 22 times for his age. He actually bled from how hard he was hit. So WTF? I would've thought it'd be completely opposite than this on someone's bday....
Snarky50 0
Why are you complaining? Even if she only had one eye and a bad case of anal leakage, 5 bucks for 25 ass smacks is still a pretty deep discount for that service.
phatdaddy62 23
how the **** is this fml? sounds hot!
cufaoil 11
some people just have a very strange outlook on life
SheDevilGoddess 1
come on,you loved it
TheSofaKing 7
For $20 you could of had a lap dance. When she sticks her pussy in your face, lick it.