Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
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Top comments
brennboo 3
haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha
brennboo 3
I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)
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Comments (115)
missmurderx 8
I appreciate your vast music knowledge. :] You're only missing Bring Me The Horizon. Other than that, though, you're good.
donjuan62088 0
sounds fun!
perdix 31
She beat the shit out of you for being a cheapskate! Five bucks?!?! For twenty bucks, she'd have spanked you with a feather. For fifty, she'd have slapped your face with her **** 25 times, and for a hundred, there would be pounding involved.
elainelovesyou 7
Ahaha, FYL but YDI at the same time. Could've ran off the stage.
DocBastard 40
Since you were counting, did you count her tattoos, piercings, and C-section scars?
duckie227 22
sounds like u had a great time, why are you complaining?
75sbhpde 0
haha I agree with 49!
reddwarf_fml 0
don't lie. u loved it!!!
cufaoil 11
nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking that
RedPillSucks 33
Slap me with the insides of your thighs. Spank my monkey, baby!
HardcoreHelena 0
what were you expected her to do? ;D
HardcoreHelena 0
expecting* ^^