Miscellaneous: Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends...

By Finesse7791 - United States

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44812

You deserved it

2900

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Bushy

Doggy dog world

This Charming Man

By bloomrosalind8976 - 2/5/2021 16:59

Dark

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

991

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By ImaSneakyNinja - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9680

You deserved it

806

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35160

You deserved it

2682

Favorite

By Anonymous - Indonesia

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36898

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Dirty - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6257

You deserved it

531

Favorite

By stillhave2years - United States

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45176

You deserved it

3658

Favorite

By dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29714

You deserved it

2722

Favorite

By raiden

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3808

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By M.A. - United States - Prescott

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45020

You deserved it

5515

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18239

You deserved it

51157

Favorite

By hale_551

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26939

You deserved it

1552

Favorite

By :( - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69025

You deserved it

7974

Favorite

By pissed off mother - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6120

You deserved it

20774

Favorite

By Cody - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33680

You deserved it

8023

Favorite

By Anaconda

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5372

You deserved it

1865

Favorite

By srsly_what - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36516

You deserved it

3496

Favorite

By Anonymous

Balls up

Today, I woke up at 2 p.m. to realise I'd slept through all of my alarms and missed my really big presentation at university, all because I was up most of the night with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1807

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By blocked - United States

Today, I got stuck in a three-hour traffic jam because I sneezed and missed the road I was meant to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27533

You deserved it

4896

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34634

You deserved it

2734

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33046

You deserved it

4477

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61745

You deserved it

14967

Favorite

By ruhrohraggy

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 21:30

Tinder surprise

Today, I was hitting it off pretty well with a girl I met through a dating app. However, she's never going to speak to me again because I also happened to "match" with her friend. How was I supposed to know they knew each other? FML

I agree, your life sucks

810

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44994

You deserved it

5134

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50981

You deserved it

3040

Favorite

By gotmilk? - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26527

You deserved it

1827

Favorite

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45999

You deserved it

6184

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12290

You deserved it

4466

Favorite

By ven980 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23806

You deserved it

29452

Favorite

By BriarFace - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20873

You deserved it

2151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2021 11:00

Motivation

Today, I had a job interview today after being unemployed for months. I left early but a stranger's giant SUV had me blocked in for over 2 hours. I called to explain the situation in the hope that I would be given another interview slot later in the week. I was told I clearly didn’t want the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1083

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45078

You deserved it

4972

Favorite

By Sam - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10755

You deserved it

58787

Favorite

By hexphoenix - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34219

You deserved it

2676

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27220

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By Katyness - United Kingdom

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11903

You deserved it

3284

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 08:01

Cujo, but for cats

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

499

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25826

You deserved it

44254

Favorite

By Dx - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13201

You deserved it

34784

Favorite

By Morgan - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16613

You deserved it

29651

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By zena_baladi | 3

#576774 - Sunday 20 September 2009 20:33

I would let her know that you are not available. Apparently you are not one of her girlfriends so why should you do her a favour.

By blacksunshine | 0

#576723 - Sunday 20 September 2009 20:10

Oh that sucks. I have a "friend" who does the exact same thing. I just ignore it... just make sure she pays you what you are worth for babysitting... preferably more... :)

COMMENTS

By Gavik | 0

#576638 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:44

first, bitches

iknowimannoying | 0

#577021 - Sunday 20 September 2009 22:48

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SONS WATCH YOU!

Touch_me_fml | 0

#577042 - Sunday 20 September 2009 23:00

marine10_fml | 0

#975426 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 3:02

do you have any idea how old that gets?

ConnorG | 0

#1857238 - Friday 17 December 2010 15:31

She's not your "girlfriend" then...

By dallasFAN | 0

#576645 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:46

By dick_gozinya_ | 0

#576650 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:47

why does it keep showing me and some other guy as having first comment? It's alternating. Oh well.

Gavik | 0

#576667 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:52

I noticed this as well. Either way, they'll get pissed off at another "first" comment :D

dallasFAN | 0

#576675 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:53

yah i see that too.

By JustSoLost | 8

#576653 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:47

Have fun!! ^^ Lol. Sucks that you were left out. =(

Jollie | 0

#577016 - Sunday 20 September 2009 22:47

well at least your not the ugly chick they always bring the ugly chick

By ScaryPants3 | 0

#576665 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:51

Awh, that just sucks.
Maybe you should be like, uh hey what about me?

By Chopperman_fml | 0

#576686 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:56

Don't do it! Screw that bitch, it's not like you're "girlfriends" anyway.

By realggirl | 0

#576694 - Sunday 20 September 2009 19:58

Aw, I'm sorry. :(

By bobby222 | 0

#576704 - Sunday 20 September 2009 20:02

YDI for jacking off to fatty porn.

By blacksunshine | 0

#576723 - Sunday 20 September 2009 20:10

Oh that sucks. I have a "friend" who does the exact same thing. I just ignore it... just make sure she pays you what you are worth for babysitting... preferably more... :)

By teebonehead | 0

#576750 - Sunday 20 September 2009 20:22

Screw her tell you got plans that night.