Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that... - FML

By batman123 - Canada

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

I agree, your life sucks

49012

You deserved it

3472

Tweet

Share

Toxic parents

Ambien conversations are the worst

Boozehound alert

By Toolmaker

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2810

You deserved it

631

Tweet

Share

By Emmpag - 2/2/2020 01:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

And then.....

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2173

You deserved it

744

Tweet

Share

By cchandler - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36222

You deserved it

8014

Tweet

Share

By XxDanno316xX - United States

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32726

You deserved it

3397

Tweet

Share

By Nowajerk - Australia

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29549

You deserved it

17576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

TFI Friday

Today, I started a new job. The hours are long, but I didn't mind as I could REALLY use the overtime. Turns out, they don't pay over time. I'm just expected to go "above and beyond for the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2207

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1648

You deserved it

240

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32856

You deserved it

4319

Tweet

Share

By Seriously - United States

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29689

You deserved it

8158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10230

You deserved it

24559

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18714

You deserved it

32114

Tweet

Share

By muggle68 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36186

You deserved it

8428

Tweet

Share

By Marjorie - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31099

You deserved it

3403

Tweet

Share

By Lolrus - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

102988

You deserved it

5718

Tweet

Share

By The Bearded Woman - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32815

You deserved it

2869

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

791

You deserved it

1452

Tweet

Share

By funkmylife69

Mr. Smooth

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1486

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By Carebeareatu - 13/3/2020 15:00

Keeping up appearances

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1698

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36664

You deserved it

4159

Tweet

Share

By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40523

You deserved it

10971

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20883

You deserved it

35550

Tweet

Share

By Mom2boysonly

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3082

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59182

You deserved it

3864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 05:00

TMI

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1172

You deserved it

457

Tweet

Share

By estephi - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35987

You deserved it

3098

Tweet

Share

By BoogieCandy. - Canada

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29335

You deserved it

8486

Tweet

Share

By bastards - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57893

You deserved it

4193

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23453

You deserved it

4585

Tweet

Share

By dormlyfe - United States - Moraga

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17964

You deserved it

22635

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54423

You deserved it

6035

Tweet

Share

By unknown951

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33551

You deserved it

4743

Tweet

Share

By dentistvictim - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46650

You deserved it

2693

Tweet

Share

By DED - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that a co-worker has been promoted to Store Manager. She has been here for less than 6 months, and I have been with the company for 10 years. Guess who has been training her for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2312

You deserved it

248

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Cork

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29540

You deserved it

4651

Tweet

Share

By rider - Qatar

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21048

You deserved it

11368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11696

You deserved it

1631

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27086

You deserved it

4101

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9662

You deserved it

84523

Tweet

Share

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

I am hungry

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

618

You deserved it

3018

Tweet

Share

By allergic - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38629

You deserved it

3276

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Spencer_fml | 0

#5201 - Sunday 22 February 2009 6:17

damn everybody you dont even know me, im kidding, sorry man that sucks.

By Diabeetus | 0

#5180 - Sunday 22 February 2009 5:55

I've met several Spencer's. All of them are douchebags.

For future reference, I would suggest heading on over and pretending like you never saw the text.

COMMENTS

By imthedude | 0

#4865 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:34

#2

By amelinat | 0

#4867 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:40

Your lifes not so bad...... you're Batman FFS.

By mleugim | 0

#4877 - Saturday 21 February 2009 15:48

#2 the same

By burdenofaday | 0

#4905 - Saturday 21 February 2009 18:52

Sounds like she's not attracted to you. You'll have to find someone else, I'm afraid. D:

By Tri_fml | 5

#4927 - Saturday 21 February 2009 20:48

That seriously sucks. I know the feeling, I'd have ignored the text and just showed up.

Best bet to avoid shit like this though is to stop being a pussy and tell her. THEN if she asks you to pick up Spencer, tell her to gtfo. :P

By carriealana | 0

#4936 - Saturday 21 February 2009 21:05

lolol #9

By marny_fml | 0

#4962 - Saturday 21 February 2009 23:17

omg lol i've had a similar situation happen to me. forget about the girl, trust me

By Diabeetus | 0

#5180 - Sunday 22 February 2009 5:55

I've met several Spencer's. All of them are douchebags.

For future reference, I would suggest heading on over and pretending like you never saw the text.

Reply

2oc | 5

#4415644 - Thursday 10 May 2012 5:54

Every spencer i've known is a douchebag too. It's just one of those names I guess.

Reply

breezyblue33 | 19

#5781115 - Friday 6 December 2013 12:42

I had a female classmate named Spencer in middle school. She was nice.

By Spencer_fml | 0

#5201 - Sunday 22 February 2009 6:17

damn everybody you dont even know me, im kidding, sorry man that sucks.

By themanistheman | 0

#5569 - Monday 23 February 2009 0:53

umm.. you said no, and then boned her right?