Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML
Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML
Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML
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Top comments
nzhx 23
I'm sorry, OP. I know not having a good relationship with your father is both difficult and frustrating. However, considering your birth certificate is a necessary and important document, I'd hide it from him yourself the first chance you get. You'll need it in the future, and you're ****** if he ruins it
Tamandua 19
My dad would just say something along the lines of, "Your birth is the reason I drink anyway" to justify it.
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Comments (51)
GarfieldDaCat 5
that is terrible, im sorry that happened to you OP
masschris 17
You should use his work shirts a tp.! Lol
GhostFox 34
First time reading, I thought OP was referring to himself as the accident and I was concerned. Rereading, I realized he was referring to the accidental coaster-usage, but it still makes me think OP's dad has seriously used him as a flimsy excuse for being an alcoholic at some point.
greatdanen 6
That's the joke...
anonymous198913 26
Move out ASAP and keep your birth certificate in a safe place. Hopefully something will change soon!
Miss_Whipped 43
I'd buy a replacement birth certificate any day before I'd give up a free/inexpensive place to live.
aabhasj 20
Its probably an accident as he used it as a beer coaster so its logical to say he might be drunk. you actually should be worried if he used it as a tea/coffee coaster.
Geckosrock99 33
How is it an accident to use something as important as your kid's birth certificate for a coaster? I don't know about other parents, but mine kept our important documents like that in a safe until we were adults. Then it was our responsibility to keep them safe. OP's dad obviously doesn't care.
Queen_of_Night 20
Am I the only person wondering if OP just leaves his Birth Certificate lying around or did his dad rummage through important docs just to find OP's certificate to use as a coaster?
PhoenixChick 26
You're not the only one. I never even SAW my birth certificate as a kid, it was in a safe deposit box.
UhHuhHoney 20
No way in hell that was done by accident.
GrumpyGrinch 23
Perfectly sums up also the way important documents are handled in your family. If your parents don't give a crap about your future, hide your stuff yourself. Just a piece of paper may be all the difference between carrier and gutter - if you can't hand it in when and where necessary.
shuttfup 17
sorry that your dad is an asshole. my stepdad is too.
ZenKitty 4
I feel you, OP. My father used mine as scratch paper for a frivolous phone message when I was about seven something he'd never have done with my perfect sister's docs...not even a crayon drawing she'd done. Always good to know where you rank with dear old douchebag dad.