Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML
Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML
Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML
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Top comments
nzhx 23
I'm sorry, OP. I know not having a good relationship with your father is both difficult and frustrating. However, considering your birth certificate is a necessary and important document, I'd hide it from him yourself the first chance you get. You'll need it in the future, and you're ****** if he ruins it
Tamandua 19
My dad would just say something along the lines of, "Your birth is the reason I drink anyway" to justify it.
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Comments (51)
Davros 12
he figured beer brought it into this world so it might as well take it out to.
mymegangirl 7
why would your birth certificate just be laying around like that?