Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML
Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML
Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML
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Top comments
MarkerofMagic 0
haha mean sister but good movie.
FailVader 0
you shoulda said, " if you talked less, maybe YOU would get a date."
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Comments (371)
MarkerofMagic 0
haha mean sister but good movie.
SeanFredrick 3
Lol ydi for being fat.
theFMLwhore5 0
oh shit OP. your little sister is a BITTCHHH! :S
nyrangers1022 6
burned by ur little sister, ouch
MarkerofMagic 0
shoulda been like May e if you weren't a little bitchh you'd have friends to watch this movie with ^ ^.
theFMLwhore5 0
#11... win :p
SeanFredrick 3
Hungry hungry hippos!
jacksters 0
Lmao! Owned.
cassiesaurus 0
ouch, what a rude little sister.
NewSlang 0
You've got a mean sister right there. Tell her that her neck is as long and spotty as the giraffe's.
KiddNYC1O 20
a lot girls out there think they're fat when they're actually not and we don't know for sure op is fat
SeanFredrick 3
If that's the case than that'd make the sister anorexic and the op stupid for believing her.
Lvl_69_Mudkipz 0
lol
eshhayz 0
.
LOL_Noobs 0
"if u were a hippo" she wasn't talking about how fat she is her little sis is saying how she can't get a date.
KiddNYC1O 20
Sean, there isn't sufficient details to tell
quent10 0
WAIT maybe OP isn't fat but just can't get a date hmmm? possibilty? maybe?
KiddNYC1O 20
43- exactly. I know where you're getting at. I don't think it was a "fat" reference by the sister lol
SeanFredrick 3
Well it sounds to me like the op is fat, but I guess you really can't know for sure unless we see the op.
KiddNYC1O 20
I love how the mods just shorten 38's comment to just the period instead of the excess space llol
SeanFredrick 3
They did that to me once.
SeanFredrick 3
Also ops username is "fatty" and I don't think she's talkin about a cigarette
shortstack104 0
good one
ohthebloodygore 16
63 - Even if she was fat, who cares? I'm tired if people bashing out against people who aren't skinny. A lot of overweight people get dates.
KiddNYC1O 20
63- I was already aware of that when typing my previous comments. it's possible the sister mentally scarred her, which goes back to my point about how girls think they're fat when they're are actually not lol
ohthebloodygore 16
Tired of*
SeanFredrick 3
I didn't say there's anything wrong with it just if your fat and people call you fat and you think that's a horrible thing, then do what you can to change it. And op couldn't get dates, obviously, although it may be due to her low self esteem or something else. Anyway I'm lucky cuz I'll never be fat. Woohoo!
BoCo_fml 9
OP may just be a little overweight and not "fat" and he little sister is mean.
KiddNYC1O 20
point taken
ohthebloodygore 16
It's not that bad working with your mum and if it is why not quit? Better question, why'd you apply in the first place knowing your mother worked there.
niles_f1 0
4/16/35/55 - have you nothing better to do than post mean comments multiple times? Have you no life? Or job? Or girlfriend? Or guildmates on World of Warcraft? You're always one of the first to post, which suggests you spend most of your time waiting eagerly for another FML - deserved or not - to ridicule.
KiddNYC1O 20
^que?
Raleigh_bruh 7
#90 - Wrong Fml. :P
ohthebloodygore 16
Raleigh :p it copied and posted from the other night. My phones a bitch.
KiddNYC1O 20
92 you must be on a lot, monitoring him, if you know all that.
SeanFredrick 3
92 - You're right, I don't have a life, or friends, or a job, or a girlfriend.
ohthebloodygore 16
95 - But, thank you for the correction. I didn't notice.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Ah, no problem.
skroal 7
YDI for watching Madagascar 2 and at the part where Gloria the hippopotamus get praised for her chunkiness, your sister said, "if you were a hippo, you would get a date."
ohthebloodygore 16
106 - It's quite annoying, I'm sure everyone understands the bloody FML. No need to re-word the obvious.
Freeze_fml 16
#106 is Trollz's butt buddy.
KiddNYC1O 20
109- agreed lmao @ freeze's pic
bamditzki 0
oh to be little and ignorant
SeanFredrick 3
Who, me?
SeanFredrick 3
oh the little kid, right?
skroal 7
109 + 110 - I don't quite understand what you're saying. Next time speak an actual language.
LightningLadyy 0
" I like em big, I like em chunky!" :D
dobiesFTW 1
Hippopotamus... where did that word even come from? is it like a really cool opotamus?
lalalaloveit 0
I like your picture.
paigeatsflesh 11
I'm back![:
Raleigh_bruh 7
Paige. :]
ohthebloodygore 16
131 - Deja de decir lo obvio. Stop spune evidente. Arrêtez de dire des évidences. Stop stating the obvious. Enough bloody languages for you? Arse.
SeanFredrick 3
Paige!! thank god. I done been waitin' all year!
mfmylifesrsly 29
OP your sister is a bitch. my cousin is a bitch she commented on my fb picture with my boyfriend saying he was ugly
paigeatsflesh 11
ahaha. no ferreals. I used to get on here all the time. I got grounded from my iPod for like 4 months. It was crazy. Raleigh[: I missed you!
mfmylifesrsly 29
Paige did you miss me?
paigeatsflesh 11
I missed you the most my sexy friend!<3[:
SeanFredrick 3
Did you miss me? I bet ya did!
Freeze_fml 16
I hate you all.
kidsanchez1 4
agree with #11
Bubbelz 25
Lol 160, ignore him xD
ohthebloodygore 16
176 - He said speak a real language, so I spoke all the ones I knew :p
paigeatsflesh 11
I don't remember you Sean >.<
KiddNYC1O 20
lolol @ 62
SeanFredrick 3
That hurts, Paige. It hurts! Well maybe we never talked. Just, in my dreams!!...
mfmylifesrsly 29
Paige Sean is seanreddog
KiddNYC1O 20
lolol @ 162*
paigeatsflesh 11
ohhhh. I always thought she was a girl>.<
mfmylifesrsly 29
KiddNYC why is that funny? :(
KiddNYC1O 20
lmao Paige. how don't you recognize those killer eyes?
KiddNYC1O 20
because you're adorable, mfmylifesrly lol
ohthebloodygore 16
Bubbelz, sadly no. I wish I knew how to speak Italian. It was Spanish, Romanian, French, and English.
SeanFredrick 3
Paige you're making me angry. And you don't want me angry.... Dun dun dun dun
paigeatsflesh 11
D: I am so sorry.
TeeHooligan 0
mango salsa mmm!
skroal 7
160 - Romanians don't wear shoes.
SeanFredrick 3
I don't know if I can forgive you. Youve gone too far this time.
Bubbelz 25
Romanian, cool. I wouldn't have guessed that though lol.. Sean, why the new account?
paigeatsflesh 11
forgive me ]:
SeanFredrick 3
Bubbels My other account was banned. Paige I'll give you one last chance, but you'd better not screw it up again.
ohthebloodygore 16
212 - Learn your facts, they do. I've been to Romania, and I'm not Romanian. I'm Spanish/English.
SeanFredrick 3
Romania is just a maniac's Rome.
kidsanchez1 4
Sean what happend to all your pussy pictures
MsBrainDamage 0
Sean I don't know why you think you're funny
KiddNYC1O 20
Romania has some decent b**ches
Bubbelz 25
True that 232 :) Let me guess, you got banned as well? :P
SeanFredrick 3
When did I say I was funny. I'm just letting people laugh at my stupidity or annoyingness. I'm like an undercover troll with no life. Anyway kidsanchez my Internet on my computer isn't working or I would've put one up cuz I don't like this pic anyway.
LMFAOwned 9
Lol @ 226 and 227. And I see skroal is at his douching again...
kidsanchez1 4
ok sean
sunnydayzzz 0
I'm Romanian... we do wear shoes... where did u get that idea?
Bubbelz 25
What's a skroal :]
KiddNYC1O 20
233- I was banned before for a week, then permanently lol. first time was for continuously dissing a moderator( which at the time I didn't know they were one) lol. second for violating a warning I guess lol. first account was kiddnyc10 with a zero, this is with an "o"
Bubbelz 25
Okay lol xD And I found out what a skroal is so nvm. It's 4 AM so I'm heading to dreamland. Bye
Bubbelz 25
oh it's 5 Am, crap
Bubbelz 25
160 you got moderated a couple of minutes ago. I think that if 'ass' is allowed, 'arse' should be allowed as well. Just something, for the mods, to think about...
RachelTM 0
We moderate comments in languages other than English. Since we are an English site, most of our readers will speak English, and we want everyone to be able to read them. Sorry about that! ;-)
ohthebloodygore 16
I thought this site was based in France? I spoke French! :p
RachelTM 0
It is based in France, yes, but we are the English site based off of Vie de merde or VDM.
biggiesmalls15 0
agreed
skroal 7
220 - I couldn't read one word from that heaping pile of letters.
ohthebloodygore 16
So, if I download the French version and speak English I'll get moderated?
RachelTM 0
Yes. We want everyone using the site to be able to understand what the others are saying.
ohthebloodygore 16
Oh, I see. Thank you for the information.
MrSassypants 33
umm I think I'm a liitle late but can I join this fiesta? ( p.s. for the grammer Nazis I'm not a good speller [fiesta] and don't know if I spelled it right :/ )
ohthebloodygore 16
Grammar*
MrSassypants 33
292- yup and there's my proof I'm not a good speller :/
ohthebloodygore 16
294 - their is. There is a place.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Hmm, Precious. I think that comment he made was correct. :P 'There's' = There is or there has.
MrSassypants 33
294- I thinc Ima start speling wong on porpuse now for poeple would thinc oh he jus spels in dat wierd ray
SeanFredrick 3
296 you're wrong. "there's" is correct "their is" would men they own is, cuz it's "theirs" which is a possessive.
ohthebloodygore 16
A lot of people mispell words; I'm one of those people, and I'm not a grammar Nazi. and don't do that. Raleigh, doesn't 'there' just refer to a place, correct me if I'm wrong but it's what I've alway been told.
SeanFredrick 3
Raleigh beat me, dammit.
MrSassypants 33
I am sparta! (I said that because I am also 300)
Raleigh_bruh 7
"There's" is just a contraction of 'there is' or 'there has'.
ohthebloodygore 16
307 - I know that I was correcting the their not the there is there has thing. I was taught 'they're' is they are. There is used for places Their is used for possesion.
MrSassypants 33
wow who knew I'll be starting a grammar fight! grammer*. I corrected myself cuz I didn't want to go back up there and just correct it and figured typing all this is much easier :/
Raleigh_bruh 7
His comment read: "yup and there's my proof I'm not a good speller :/" There was no 'their' in his comment, so it looked like you were correcting his "there's". :P
ohthebloodygore 16
Dammit, I was correcting his there's*. it's a he? I thought it was a she from the username.
MrSassypants 33
I can't think off anymore comments except this one (=^_^=)
MrSassypants 33
316- Nah it's Mr.sassypants not Mrs.assypants. It wouldn't let me put the period "." in my username. I should've put MrSassypants
Raleigh_bruh 7
Either way, you were wrong this time. :P His comment was grammatically correct. And yes, it's a dude. At least, that's what it says on my laptop.
SeanFredrick 3
_=Ξ´θ_θ'Ξ=_ . Υ. / /
PurpleLlamas 0
lol did she call you fat AND tell you you cant get a date?? woah!!
ohthebloodygore 16
Raleigh, I'm wrong most of the time. And, I'm on my phone, so I couldn't see if it was a girl/guy.
MrSassypants 33
323 I could make a better yet easier face
Raleigh_bruh 7
Nah, you aren't wrong most of the time; just this one time. :]
MrSassypants 33
it's kinda weird how I started this argument but my comments saying I'm a boy and all is ignored :/
ohthebloodygore 16
Raleigh, and many more times to come Mr. Sassypants, I'm sorry for thinking you were a male.
MrSassypants 33
335- correction, I am a male
ohthebloodygore 16
Hah, thanks for the correction. I meant female. Hey, it's 5a.m. here cut me a break :p
MrSassypants 33
oh ok so how thin do you want me to cut your break?
paigeatsflesh 11
woah. this conversation just made my brain explode o.<
MrSassypants 33
341- yeah ain't brain explosions the best :)
MrSassypants 33
I don't think anyone is responding so Ima leave if I'm just talking to myself unless my iPod is lagging really bad cuz it seams to do that
rimouski 0
lol you guys are like best friends through fml :P that's pretty sweet actually, it's like a different life, I wanna join the possy xD
paigeatsflesh 11
mrsassypants, they are amazing!<33333
MrSassypants 33
349 yup 344 I just joined right now
joce445 0
131 They were speaking the English language, and actually they were quite coherent. So, shutup.
ohthebloodygore 16
344 - If you read every comment you'd notice a lot of it was correcting and arguing. Some were friendly.
kidsanchez1 4
#357 aren't most of the fml conversations like that
ohthebloodygore 16
363 - I guess so. I find some coversations hilarious though, and fun.
kidsanchez1 4
#365 yup they are good to read
theOriginalBAM 0
Comment Moderated.
Massdebater 1
this conversation just made my PANTS explode! BOOM!! also, grounded from your iPod?! WTF!! soo lame...
xACIDDx 0
Aww, we love you too Freeze.
Zappyyy 2
don't call people fat when you look like a trannie!!
paigeatsflesh 11
I know right! how do you ground someone from music???!!!!!????!!!
jplumbob 4
RachelTM, What about people like skroal that do nothing but repeat the post on almost every one here. Why didn't he get modded?
MichaelJackson4E_fml 0
thats sad
joooeee 3
the fml regulars need to get a room
ayeitsmerr 0
well...either way..it truly doesn't matter...the sister called her fat because she thinks she is..and to top it off.she thinks she's as fat as a hippo.
Massdebater 1
I know right?! that's just not on.. then again, your parents shouldn't ground you for anything.. because that is for gays...
Brittney_E 0
lol at #11 and ew justin beiber. i called him gay and he hit me with his purse.
dewees247 0
hi
Kendall_Cali97 8
I know right!!!
complicated4 0
hey I love that movie lol
FailVader 0
you shoulda said, " if you talked less, maybe YOU would get a date."
lurchin_10 0
picture win
lurchin_10 0
you should have slapped your sister for saying that
Raleigh_bruh 7
I think that was intentionally done to hurt Op's feelings though.
SeanFredrick 3
Depends on how young the sister is. And whether op has been whining about no dates and how hard she's tryed to get one. Dafp!
ohthebloodygore 16
32 - Tried. Not tryed.
SeanFredrick 3
Does I care nose I doesn't don't correct me biznitch.
SeanFredrick 3
Well actually that's probably good to know, so thanks! Ξ=-Ξ=-Ξ=-Ξ=-Ξ=-Ξ=-
ohthebloodygore 16
What?
SeanFredrick 3
Τηαπκ γοθ Γοr τειιιπ Με Ηοψ το sρειι.
SeanFredrick 3
I said thanks for telling me how to spell tried. Why was that moderated? ειερηαπτ
alizax3 0
aahhh well you shud think about i... maybe if you were you wud have one. And tackle your sis and make her to take it back.. |:
Jessi_the_sexii 0
hippo's need love too it's ok
chocolatedrop 0
ydi for not being a hippo
emilyxorawr 3
ouch. FYL
TeeHooligan 0
apparently you're chunky
SeanFredrick 3
I like my salsa chunky
KingdomQueen23 0
hippos ftw :D