Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML
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Top comments
jimmer23 21
My nipples hurt from all the way over here.
sarah5745 41
Holy shit!
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Comments (93)
ohSNAPyall 27
I tried to warn you with my profile pic.
JessLaw22 9
New Piercing??
soulcrusher11 16
there's a gerbil who knows what he wants in life
macen 10
maybe don't try to breast feed any time soon
5FDPmetalhead 17
Embrace it. Go buy a nipple ring and thank your gerbil for the free procedure haha it would've hurt either way
ElsMyaE 8
OUtch
Mooglefox 24
Reminds me of the Jeff Foxworthy bit about how a beaver bit a man's nipple off
inolongercare 19
Why was he in the car and not on in a travel cage?
piercednipple 3
I was actually just hanging out indoors, but my window overlooks the street and the car went off right out front.
zimme2579 10
Might as well get a ring for your peircing.
1stones 8
"Docile" my ass
piercednipple 3
He's usually very docile, that's why the bite was so jarring. All small animals lash out or defend themselves when they're frightened.