Today, during an important Zoom meeting, I insisted my dog was calm and well-behaved. To prove it, I picked him up. He immediately sneezed directly into my open mouth while my camera was on and my boss was speaking. Everyone saw and heard. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dog started barking during a work video call. I picked him up to prove he was harmless. He immediately sneezed directly into my face, then licked my mouth. My microphone was still on, and everyone heard me yell, “WHY?” FML
Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with my dog. Right as I hit the button, he sneezed on my face. Now I have an unexpected "glamour shot" that captures him mid-sneeze and me looking horrified, and I'm somehow still tempted to post it. FML
Today, I took my new dog to a hotel lobby to test his manners before travel. He sniffed politely, then sneezed a dramatic snot-spritz all over a wedding guest’s dress. She froze, then laughed nervously while I offered napkins like a panicked but well-meaning emergency worker. FML
Today, I was late for a video conference with my boss. As I frantically tried to fix my messy hair, my dog thought it was the perfect time to play fetch. I ended up joining the meeting with a squeaky toy in hand and an appearance that would make a scarecrow look put together. My boss found it hilarious, but I'm pretty sure my career aspirations are now in the doghouse. FML
Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I tried to "quiet quit" a Zoom meeting by muting myself and turning off my camera. Halfway through, I unmuted by mistake and blurted out, "I think they just like hearing themselves talk." Now, every time my boss says something, everyone looks at me. FML
Today, I was on a Zoom call with my boss and a client, discussing a new project. My toddler burst into the room and screamed, “Mommy, I shitted in the bathtub!” The camera was on, and I just froze, while my boss tried to hold in his laughter. FML
Today, I was in a Zoom meeting. I usually have tape over my camera and pretend it's busted so I don't have to perform like a circus monkey, but I forgot that I'd removed it to chat with my cousin last night. I was halfway through eating a mango when my boss paused mid-speech and said, “Is now really the best time for that?” The meeting went silent. FML
Today, during an online class, I forgot to mute myself while trying to get my dog to poop. The whole class, including my professor, heard me sing “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa to motivate her. They all had many questions when I came back on camera. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Why would anyone else on the Zoom meeting care that your dog is calm and well-behaved?
DLBL 23
OMG, a dog sneezed! What a vicious beast! How DARE you allow him in your house during a ZOOM meeting!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (2)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Why would anyone else on the Zoom meeting care that your dog is calm and well-behaved?
DLBL 23
OMG, a dog sneezed! What a vicious beast! How DARE you allow him in your house during a ZOOM meeting!
MidnaLink 35
If he is, then he'd be less likely to cause constant disruptions. It's a zoom meeting, not a group text.
tiptoppc 21
Better not get cats they do worse, especially in video calls