Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML
Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
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Top comments
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
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Comments (152)
SweetPerfectionn 3
You don't have any pets.. Do you? ._.
steeledwolf 8
Thats impossibru!!!!!
slimmathers123 10
they already have those
Enslaved 38
You better patent that idea quick before someone on FML steals it!
Lexiloulynn 2
Dolphins are the only animals who have sex for pleasure... Not sure he would make a lot from selling those...
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
Not exactly true. I'm pretty sure bonobo apes do too. Or I could be mistaken...
onikage_666 0
I'm guessing none of you would know what artificial insemination is.
KriiFahMoro 9
Well a happy pet equals a happy owner, so why the hell not?
Tiecho 4
Yes... Because i hate having to whack off my animals manually
perdix 31
There's one for cows called Beef Strokin'-Off.
MeganMckenzie 1
They actually use those on bulls so they can breed them later.
simgar98 0
where can i buy it?!?!