Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML
Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
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Top comments
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
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Comments (152)
VoiceMail 12
Sadly, it's already been invented. lol. ...For animal breeding purposes, obviously. xD
MaKenziieee 0
Hahahah , this just made my morningg(:
antwon86 4
Your face did the same for me
antwon86 4
You hot… just putting that out there.
karkid619 8
Haha look at OP's name.
perdix 31
Are you going to be involved in prototype development? Remember, you need to get your name added to the patent if you make a contribution beyond what someone "skilled in the art" would make. The harvest from a successful test doesn't count as a "contribution."
Notsocharmedlife 0
Eeeewwwwwww
ilove80smetal 8
Ask him questions about who your mother is.
KiddNYC1O 22
I imagine the cow from Family Guy with this. "Oh, yes! Yes! Ohh! Mmmm!"
loganmarquez 3
Animals need love too.
RedMosquito 4
I think your dad should call the fuckinator and partner up
foxmatrix15 8
Whats disturbing is people think its a good idea. My question is what would be the products purpose in everyday use? Beside getting ur pet to crave for it daily and to let the family ********** the pets??
fogrunner 13
It would be / is used for collecting semen from animals in the food industry, which is useless. :/