Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML
Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
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Top comments
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
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Comments (152)
SovietRei 5
It's how Edison got his start.
drdingus 27
I agree xD
antwon86 4
That is why you are forever alone^
DasHaas 9
If he can do it fully automated, he would make a lot of farmers really happy and himself really rich.
AlohaSwag808 0
At least we know why your dad doesnt make a lot of money.
rinse087 0
Because his Intelligence was being held back by the man.
wellinever 5
Monkey spanker Chicken choker
JadeWalker 14
Thats already invented which disturbs me enough.
greeneyedpothead 10
Red rocket! Red rocket!!! :-)
DomDomxoxo 16
Hahahaha! South Park ftw!
wriptidez 0
perv
KunoKanashimi 3
Because that's so useful in this day and age.
Pelreskovich 11
That's as good as the guy who recently ployed for a vibrating tampon, so "women are at their best, when at their worst!"
sweetdreams20 0
At least he's using a machine not his hands