Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML
Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
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Top comments
peachesncreem 21
At least it's an original idea?
dookiedoo 0
Too late I just patented that.
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Comments (152)
cherrycokelove 8
to bad u can't choose ur family o.o
WCARlover 35
He sure better patent that quick, now that you've told the world of fmylife about it
Goatinsfriend 8
Your dad has creativity!
greatdanen 6
ca-ching
badass243 6
call it the "furry delight"
xMiss_Maggot 7
your dad has a sick mind
rinse087 0
This man is obviously a genius! How dare you disrespect his intellect!
The_Troller 14
What about a masturbation motion sensor? I can't be the only person here that wants one...
XtraEzeee 8
What'll it do when it senses you? D:
The_Troller 14
It senses other people that are nearby when you do your thing and alerts you.
XtraEzeee 8
What's it do when it senses you? D:
XtraEzeee 8
What's it do when it senses you? D:
XtraEzeee 8
Why do all my comments triple post?!?
The_Troller 14
28- I'm not sure. That's for OP's dad to decide.
cass1_l0ve 13
That's.... Pure GENIUS! My god, it will be the start of a new generation.... But what if there was one for guys so that rather then alerting when people are near when you master but rather alert you when girls are around you who are mastering.... This way the male species can just know when a horny girl is near!!! ^.^
le_troll 0
Brilliant! Pure genius!
5HT2A 5
Animal fap fap fap
structuredchaoz 4
That's actually a great idea. It is currently done by hand.