Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML
Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML
Today, I was trying to take a nice picture of my dad but he was just doing stupid-looking poses, so I got mad and told him to "stop acting like a prostitute" without knowing what that even means. Keep in mind, this was also in front of my mum and oldest sister. FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 35
I want to buy your dad a drink.
myeverydaymylife 21
And then you take a selfie of you with him in the background, setting you on fire. All about that #selfie
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Comments (99)
v8nick97 11
That word bothers me on so many levels it's almost unreal...
lulinator 40
According to Oxford, it is an actual word as of 2014. At least you're using proper English, even if the word is annoying as hell.
PegLegRacing 34
At best it's an acronym, not a word... regardless of what Oxford or Webster says. If I was Oxford/Webster... If you looked up "YOLO" it would say "see Carpe Diem" Hipsters are ruining the world.
sdroze1389 31
isn't "ain't" in this same dictionary? it has lost some of its credibility, would you agree?
citygirl28 11
34 you don't mean Acronym, you mean Abbreviation... Look up acronym in either of those dictionaries please...
tournamentdecide 33
An acronym is letters that stand for something, like PETA. An abbreviation is a word shortened, like mtn. or st., 34 was correct.
Sonata90 26
No, he's actually not correct. Selfie cannot possibly stand for "self exclusive life foto in everything". But it COULD stand for self-picture, because as an abbreviation that would make more sense. The way apt. can stand for apartments-- that kind of sense. OP, ignore the negative comments; your dad should never say any such thing to you. Ever. Period.
bgorch01 11
I agree with your dad, but add the words "while in a wooden cage with a bear inside."
Radayam 19
But won't that set the bear on fire too?
sdroze1389 31
Yeah that's unfair to the beat not to mention it would ruin a perfectly good wooden cage
justtheotherguy 12
This Christmas send him a "selfie" from "elfie"
katina1236 20
Well that escalated quickly O.o
killerdana 19
I really wish people would stop saying that
SpamPam 18
I wish people would stop threatening to murder people who just want to take a picture of themself. Even if it is a joke
Ben009 13
I would high five that man, he sounds awesome
rocker_chick23 27
I don't blame him. Selfie is one of the dumbest words invented.
worldclassrager 41
Over reaction?
swedeNix 13
Thats when u say; but first let me take a selfie :)
an3ph 20
Is he taking donations?