Miscellaneous: Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 18:41 - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 112

You deserved it 42 996

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Same thing different taste

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 04:00

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 197

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 021

You deserved it 4 471

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 999

You deserved it 16 499

By stupidprankster - 09/03/2012 10:10 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 487

You deserved it 7 477

By J - 11/02/2016 15:44 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 293

You deserved it 3 291

Shocking

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 17:01

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 222

By Yoooooo0 - 29/11/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 054

You deserved it 3 721

By suze44 - 13/06/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 823

You deserved it 5 281

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 389

You deserved it 3 342

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 712

You deserved it 5 788

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Top comments

Dave_Davington 33

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:24

I want to buy your dad a drink.

myeverydaymylife 21

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:24

And then you take a selfie of you with him in the background, setting you on fire. All about that #selfie

Comments

Gunguy 11

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:27

Good man.

KaterinaPatrova 10

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:27

I think saying that was going too far, but I HATE that word too.

tellyc 27

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

deathstroke990 22

Saturday 23 August 2014 8:04

your profile picture is a selfie...

citygirl28 11

Saturday 23 August 2014 11:02

Ermmmmm or it's a "picture of her" 44.. As we used to say...

sashakotlik 14

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:31

Not saying I support that word or anything, but that was a bit harsh in my opinion

n3ophyt3 10

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:36

Cheers to your Dad !!

rooikins 11

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:37

Props to your dad!

Flaming_Pandas 15

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:40

There seems to be something wrong with what your dad said... Perhaps he should be more harsh? In all seriousness, I hope things worked out okay for you, OP

wtfidkwtp 8

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:41

Too many new words nowadays that are just so overused. "Swag" "yolo" "selfie"

killerdana 19

Saturday 23 August 2014 9:19

Those are my 3 least favorite

shay_serendipity 29

Sunday 24 August 2014 22:35

And 'or nah.' I am freakin sick of hearing that.

kenb123 4

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:44

******

Larry01_fml 19

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:44

I wish there were more people like him

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The Top

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 254

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 305

You deserved it 3 970

The Top

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 2 977

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 790

You deserved it 26 426

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 735

You deserved it 5 397

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 301

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 611

Today, I hosted a meeting planned two weeks in advance with my business partners and a new work associate, who was supposed to propose a new business plan. The new associate didn't show up, and hadn't given me a heads-up. He wouldn't answer his phone either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 103