Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance...

By hiker - 29/3/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42398

You deserved it

14167

Favorite

Money

Gratitude walks

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Property law

By Tennisplayer - 10/2/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12129

You deserved it

44055

Favorite

By djshahso - 26/2/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7640

You deserved it

46738

Favorite

By twingirl - 14/8/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51654

You deserved it

4124

Favorite

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24808

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By still hungry - 21/4/2012 13:04 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28222

You deserved it

4067

Favorite

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32187

You deserved it

3253

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38608

You deserved it

4144

Favorite

By CollegeGrad - 25/4/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66646

You deserved it

16892

Favorite

By pyroman1127 - 16/5/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28999

You deserved it

39291

Favorite

By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49792

You deserved it

3673

Favorite

By ihatebadkids - 24/6/2019 07:07 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

2041

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 22:23 - United States

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27944

You deserved it

2164

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9143

You deserved it

21451

Favorite

By NAT - 3/1/2016 16:15 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19277

You deserved it

2196

Favorite

By budadepressed - 18/7/2016 21:22 - United States - Burnsville

Today, due to a scheduling error, I spent an entire day and night in an airport, over 30 hours in total. Just as I arrived at the gate, I was informed that my flight had been delayed for another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12472

You deserved it

1050

Favorite

By Boob - 7/1/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9601

You deserved it

34799

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2011 16:16 - Ireland

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36735

You deserved it

6655

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31015

You deserved it

69970

Favorite

By noodle - 21/1/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24987

You deserved it

3915

Favorite

By omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26737

You deserved it

2752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 05:01 - Canada

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44695

You deserved it

7885

Favorite

By Foodcomesfirst - 24/11/2009 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33855

You deserved it

3602

Favorite

By Me - 5/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10631

You deserved it

39175

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13378

You deserved it

36762

Favorite

By mrs14 - 11/9/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8423

You deserved it

31095

Favorite

By scammed - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36790

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Username - 16/9/2010 23:27 - France

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27799

You deserved it

11433

Favorite

By mynameisnotstupid - 18/3/2016 15:05 - Germany - Munich

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19464

You deserved it

1344

Favorite

By ThanksDog - 5/6/2016 21:26

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13371

You deserved it

1486

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/5/2014 04:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60473

You deserved it

6045

Favorite

By mahanaaa_23 - 19/12/2012 20:47 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45687

You deserved it

4378

Favorite

By Chester (Seattle) - 9/9/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31830

You deserved it

5780

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 08:00

Hard shoulder

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Whoneedsgradschool - 20/4/2017 20:00

Today, my parents gave me a letter they'd forgotten about since late last year. In it was a $30,000 scholarship to a local master's program with an application due date of two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7422

You deserved it

278

Favorite

By Crushed - 7/7/2019 12:00

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1508

You deserved it

268

Favorite

By Random - 4/4/2017 07:00 - Canada - Langley

Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3922

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By someoneelsessaliva - 5/6/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45285

You deserved it

4155

Favorite

By battle1 - 17/7/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30384

You deserved it

4332

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Is that a pass then?

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

790

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2012 08:47 - United States - Kent

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28852

You deserved it

5215

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dum_dum1 | 0

#2263326 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:19

you should have just caught a ride with some friends and had them drop you off down the road. work smarter not harder. dumbass!!

By zDylanz | 6

#2263404 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:29

If only every American would do this, mabey we could decrease our nation's obesity.

COMMENTS

By mini3fingers2 | 0

#2263285 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:14

first.. I think haha

SmallyBigs | 9

#2263304 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:16

Nope.

fluffyrocka | 0

#2265237 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:17

just walk it off, it'll be fine

chester75 | 5

#2265302 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:31

lol it seems something my mom would do. when a deal seems too good to be true then probably is.

DanielleWolf | 0

#2265456 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 5:02

It doesn't take 2 hours to walk 8 miles... :P

chester75 | 5

#2265587 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 5:24

actually it does for most people
15 min per mile

joa76 | 3

#2265963 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:32

distance=rate x time
8 miles/2 hours = 4 miles per hour
average walking speed = 3-3.5 mph, which is LESS than 4 mph

So OP was actually walking FASTER than average. At 3 mph, 8 miles would take about 2 hours 40 min.

JanisEvans | 10

#2267598 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 16:29

That must be the average walking speed of Americans. It's fucking slow!

rawyak | 4

#2267721 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 17:10

262 he could of jogged some of the way. I mean this dude is lazy if he just walked there. anyway it's still winter so that might of warmed him up. I'm proud to be an American foreign dude, just don't compare me with the op or 262.

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#2267996 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:11

If the OP was coming home from school it probably means they were carrying a backpack and possibly some other things. They probably didn't want to run because that's usually a lot of weight to jog with if you aren't used to it.
I don't know what it's like in the OP's area but where I live it's actually been pretty warm the last couple of weeks. We did have a couple of snow showers but nothing major so spring is definitely here.

rawyak | 4

#2269841 - Thursday 31 March 2011 2:47

well 347 stll I play football and go to highscool. the football equipment is just as heavy as my backpack. and look how many people run in those during fall

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#2270753 - Thursday 31 March 2011 6:41

You and all of those people train to get on the football team and to be able to run around in all that equipment. I specifically said "if you aren't used to it. " therefore your point is moot.