Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch...

By Dmessmer1 - 5/6/2016 08:37 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

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Miscellaneous

Ungrateful

Not a cheating!

Lockdown is driving us down

By Kay Jacline Salvatierra - 15/4/2020 05:00

Shivering Herbert

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

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By caughtontape - 22/3/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2014 06:44 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

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By fresh single - 3/4/2016 07:53 - United States - Pomona

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

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By James - 16/1/2012 04:17 - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By Noname - 2/2/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

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By how bout no! - 9/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Not gonna happen

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 19:00

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

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By failedparenting - 7/9/2016 16:44 - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

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By Username - 3/2/2011 04:46

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

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By Wrenda Witt - 15/6/2020 14:02

Not interested

Today, it has officially been two and half months since I've had sex. I've done everything imaginable to entice him, but my boyfriend doesn't seem bothered at all. FML

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By jonnyc - 17/6/2009 13:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

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By Irritated - 12/9/2016 15:29 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

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By Philip - 17/2/2017 16:00 - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

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By purpleivy - 6/9/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By depraved - 8/1/2009 11:21 - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

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By effinit - 30/10/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2015 13:31 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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By Bad at life - 18/10/2018 13:30

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

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By - 4/1/2009 05:24 - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2015 07:21 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

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By SlappyMcGee - 8/1/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

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By Durrrrrr - 24/1/2009 01:03 - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

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By Mortifiedcharityworker - 1/5/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

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By queenbitch - 20/4/2015 01:39 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

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By GeesLouisee - 1/5/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:48 - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

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By RadioactiveKush - 1/3/2015 07:07 - United States - Monroe

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

No balls activity

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

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Top comments

By NYGiants1925 | 22

#6621758 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:01

$40 for McDonald's!?

By InfiniteSunshine | 32

#6621741 - Sunday 5 June 2016 18:42

Geez, his lack of impulse control is not your fault. Tell him he needs to pay you the money back. You gave him YOUR money to get him to do you a favour, he failed at that favour, so now he needs to reimburse you.

COMMENTS

By Googolman | 29

#6621738 - Sunday 5 June 2016 18:39

I'm wondering how he managed to spend $40 on McNuggets.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6621740 - Sunday 5 June 2016 18:40

I'm wondering how he managed to eat $40 of McNuggets.

By InfiniteSunshine | 32

#6621741 - Sunday 5 June 2016 18:42

By NYGiants1925 | 22

#6621758 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:01

$40 for McDonald's!?

Catdragon | 40

#6621961 - Monday 6 June 2016 0:13

You can get 40 nuggets for $10. maybe the guy got $40 worth of nuggets?

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6621975 - Monday 6 June 2016 0:41

$40 for any lunch seems too much.

trucker2 | 33

#6622013 - Monday 6 June 2016 1:54

I'm just guessing that $40 was for both your lunches

pyrestriker | 6

#6623332 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 5:43

50pc nuggets is $10.This is enough for 200 nuggets.

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6621767 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:12

Who can resist those all white meat crunchy chicken nuggets?

TMWhisp | 22

#6621772 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:19

Mm, I know right? The sweet flavoring of ammonia and cancer. So yummy!

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6621827 - Sunday 5 June 2016 20:07

Wendy's nuggets, yes. Those are heaven. McDonald's nuggets, bleh. They're always so crispy to the point they're almost dry.

Mauskau | 35

#6621984 - Monday 6 June 2016 1:01

People that would rather eat a proper chicken breast than anything deep fried and processed?

babs22291 | 15

#6622070 - Monday 6 June 2016 4:44

They smell lime a movie theatre. Have you picked one up and smelled..???

Mr_Jah | 9

#6622268 - Monday 6 June 2016 13:41

You do realize mcdonalds chicken nuggets are leftovers from Tyson chicken. All the WORST parts of a chicken (Literally).

By TisButAScratch | 10

#6621769 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:17

I honestly don't blame him

By vcapelo | 19

#6621774 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:20

Junkfood shouldn't be considered lunch!

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6621778 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:24

That is not the point of this FML.

riahlum | 12

#6621782 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:28

Not everyone has time to prepare a lunch, and every once in a while it won't kill you. This fml went over your head.

bretzeller | 13

#6621815 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:53

Go have a good cry if you're afraid of chicken nuggets. They won't kill you.

By rockeditionbarbi | 14

#6621788 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:31

Who spends $40 on McNuggets??

By Pimpfromdowntown | 11

#6621789 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:31

if you had 40 dollars why not order pizza?

By Doctor_HooLock | 10

#6621790 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:32

That's like 160 nuggets...

Helldemon | 32

#6621796 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:39

When I worked at McD I had two guy's come in and give me around 70 dollars and they told me they wanted all Nuggets with it. Think it was 260 nuggets total.

By mclovin22897 | 15

#6621811 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:53

how many ncnuggets did you want?