By wtf - 20/2/2021 05:01

Polyamory is complicated

  Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML
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By  BurnInDemonFire  |  31

I get the feeling that this open relationship thing was his idea, and he probably jumped into bed with your ex as soon as you agreed to go along with it. I'm also thinking that it took you a while to find your new boyfriend, and your husband either thought you'd never find someone else, or you wouldn't go as far as sleeping with them. Now that you have, it sounds like he's trying to make you feel guilty for having a boyfriend, even though he agreed to it, because what he really wanted was an excuse to bang your ex without you calling him a cheater, and still have you waiting for him should your ex become unavailable, or interested in a threesome.

If this seems familiar, your husband is a dick, and you should consider a separation/divorce. If I'm way off, your husband is still a dick for saying you betrayed him, but you can tell him it was something he agreed to, so he has to live with it just like you.

COMMENTS
By  mickymoose1  |  15

Sounds like you both have some stuff to work through. Couples therapy may be very beneficial or even a divorce if you both are truely unhappy and are unable to work through it

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  Katie Re  |  2

This is a poly relationship the OP is talking about. You're applying standards of a monogamous relationship style to it, which doesn't seem to fit.

By  BurnInDemonFire  |  31

I get the feeling that this open relationship thing was his idea, and he probably jumped into bed with your ex as soon as you agreed to go along with it. I'm also thinking that it took you a while to find your new boyfriend, and your husband either thought you'd never find someone else, or you wouldn't go as far as sleeping with them. Now that you have, it sounds like he's trying to make you feel guilty for having a boyfriend, even though he agreed to it, because what he really wanted was an excuse to bang your ex without you calling him a cheater, and still have you waiting for him should your ex become unavailable, or interested in a threesome.

If this seems familiar, your husband is a dick, and you should consider a separation/divorce. If I'm way off, your husband is still a dick for saying you betrayed him, but you can tell him it was something he agreed to, so he has to live with it just like you.

By  SM79  |  6

Yup, my ex-husband thought poly was a great idea when I brought it up. That was when he thought he could sleep with anyone he wanted and we'd have lots of threesomes. He changed his mind real quick when he realized that no, I didn't want threesomes, and yes, it meant I could have a boyfriend too.

By  Katie Re  |  2

You both seem to have different boundaries, which is normal. But there doesn't seem to be much communication between you two. My advice would be: talk about it. It's completely normal in poly relationships for people to have different levels of comfort regarding how much they want to know about their partner's sex life with their metamours. And you don't seem to be entirely comfortable listening to him having sex with someone else either. So why didn't you communicate that before? If you don't talk about it, eventually your relationship will fall apart.

So this isn't an FML. It's simply an opportunity to have a honest talk with your partner about comfort zone and boundaries. Sounds to me like you are both pretty uncomfortable listening to the other having sex with someone else. That's completely alright. Just communicate that and then respect each other's boundary in that regard.