Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
tweetyzyaw 20
Time to call the Fuzz
manateesarecool 13
She has a nice vocabulary
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Comments (119)
RedPillSucks 33
purchase some ear plugs for her. when you deliver them, politely remind her that your two house guests, Smith and Wesson, aren't too keen on you being threatened
Vani13 10
Lovely woman.
Hop6e 22
I'd wash her mouth out with soap myself. Rude person. You have a 2 year old! What does she want from you?
bugluv3 7
Two DAY old
Goream 8
That's one of the many reasons i live in the country side. i hate neighbors. always nosy and/or noisy.
pizzafrommars 14
I agree. Kids ******* suck.
kylar19 2
I'd call the cops on harrassment, death threats and bomb threats
melanielovejeff 15
I currently live in an apartment and my neighbour is a crackhead/ crackhead. She did the same thing when I moved in with my children. My response was to call the cops on her every time she bothered me. I even started a log book in case the landlord decides to take her to court and kick her out. Now she knows I won't put up with her skitso behaviour. I told her to her face that I will continue to call the cops on her every time she plays music...etc
melanielovejeff 15
I meant to say she is a crackhead and a crack dealer. The cops know her well in town before I got involved.
balake_fml 8
Lots of crazy neighbors today
healthcarechick 9
Omg what a ******* psycho!!! You better have weapons to protect yourself!!!
shinikageWolf 15
"WELL MAYBE MY DAUGHTER WOUL SHUT UP IF SHE DIDNT HAVE TO BREATH IN YOUR CRACK PIPE SMOKE EVERY ******* NIGHT! SMOKE IS BAD FOR HER LUNGS YOU **** BRICK!" Or something like that back to her.