Make it stop

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 13:17 - United States - Waldorf

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML
I agree, your life sucks 22 524
You deserved it 1 571

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Sounds like you and NyQuil will become great friends. Also might wanna sleep while listening to soft music or something

It's not his responsibility to learn to sleep through someone else's baby constantly crying he's not responsible for anyone else's kid nor should anyone's baby be disturbing him in his own home.


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ourtneyc 14

I just can't help but think that management would be like "but it's a baby!"

You can't just make ignorant complaints about that. If someone would have complained when my son had to cry it out, I would have lost my shit.

May you never experience a child who can't stop crying, while you've tried everything to pacify it and people are giving you dirty looks. it's the worst feeling.

Sorry, but YOU chose to have babies. I'm choosing not to because I don't want to deal with that stuff. Once in a while is understandable, because I understand that babies cry. But the FML makes it sound like a constant occurance, because we know the "Today" part rarely means "today".

At one of the places my mom and I lived at (we moved a lot) we were on the top floor, and we got a noise complaint from the girl that lived below us. She said that she was trying to finish up her senior year of college, and that the kids running and jumping around, and all the crying and yelling, was getting too loud. I would completely understand that, if it weren't for the fact that the kids didn't live with us, and they were only over once or twice a month. After that my mom would have a panic attack anytime my nephew would cry, or my neice would jump off the couch, out of fear that we would be kicked out..

There's a difference between a baby who can't stop crying when you try to pacify them and the Ferber method.

noise complaint against a baby ? you mean you have to call the police "hello I like to report some loud noise coming from my neighbor 's " then they show up and find a baby ?!! Hmm ok.

I completely agree with these parents who understand. If a baby cries then it cries and that's it. Are you sure OP is not exaggerating a little. Look parents understand lack of sleep and sure fyl but you still can't force someone out because their child cries neither are you the parent so you should not make the decision about what's best for them. It just sucks because you are sleep deprived and not of your own choosing. We understand and yes it sucks but making a complaint against a child who will eventually (hopefully) grow out of it is BS.

It's not fair to force someone out no, but at the same time OP lived there first, and it's not fair on any level that their life should be completely disrupted because of the way someone else chooses to raise their child. Nobody should be made to feel unhappy in their own home and if that means the neighbours soundproofing the floor then so be it. People need to understand that they aren't more important than everyone else just because they have a baby.

I had a similar situation a few years ago. My upstairs neighbors had a newborn. Initially, I was very sympathetic and understanding (though also annoyed). The worst part about it was that they would constantly write notes and slide them under my door asking *me* to keep my noise levels down during the day so that I didn't wake their baby (I'm single, live alone, and fairly quiet). They once knocked on my door and complained because my cat meowed too loud and woke up their baby. While I (and most people) am sympathetic to the plight of people with infants, parents should also understand that the people around them have lives and responsibilities as well. Yes, babies will cry and sometimes you're just not going to be able to quiet them. However, if you live in an apartment complex, or a close community, you need to understand you're not the only one affected by your child's crying. Try to insulate/sound proof your apartment as best you can. Buy your neighbors ear plugs or do something nice for them. Move to a more suitable home. Be polite and patient with your neighbors. You're inconveniencing them, not the other way around. Find a reasonable solution. It's not acceptable to expect your neighbors to put their lives on hold for a year or so. It takes a village, but the villagers do need to sleep occasionally.

Sounds like you and NyQuil will become great friends. Also might wanna sleep while listening to soft music or something

Yea soft music or get a loud fan/sound machine to drown out the crying. That's what I did when I had loud neighbors.

Yeah, slip some NyQuil in the baby's bottle and she'll sleep like a rock

Damn OP that sucks. I suggest you do what I do and buy some good quality ear plugs. I have a noisy family and it's the only way I can get to sleep. Good luck.

That's a valid point but what if OP needs to wake up early each day and requires an alarm clock? Then he's just ******

Rawrshi 25

They make alarm clocks that vibrate. Or using your phone alarm with vibrations. You may hear it enough to wake you up if it's familar or the vibrations will wake you. I'm a very light sleeper though, so maybe OP isn't and vibrations wouldn't work. Still a good thing to try though.

They make alarms with flashy lights too.

I completely agree with buying a really good pair of earplugs. You'd be surprised at how good some are. I have chronic health issues and have to sleep during the day & my mom runs a daycare downstairs; earplugs are the only way I can sleep.

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I wonder if you'd say the same thing if you constantly couldn't sleep because of the screeching and unpleasant sounds that is a baby's cry.

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It's not his responsibility to learn to sleep through someone else's baby constantly crying he's not responsible for anyone else's kid nor should anyone's baby be disturbing him in his own home.

I have two and have never left them in a room to scream all hours of the night.

Matayaz 16

They don't cry very often if you know how to be a good parent.

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FarmerGirl420 11

That's what happens when you live in an apartment. #24

The problem is that the parents refuse to calm the baby

leahscool 10

I picked up my baby every time she cried and she actually cried a lot less as a result and turned out to be a very independent child. 3 months is just way too young to let a baby cry it out. You cannot spoil a baby that young. Babies cry because it's the only way they can communicate with you, not because they're spoiled. That baby just spent 9 months in your belly and he/she misses you and wants to be held by you. Yes, there are times you NEED to put the baby down, but if you're not doing anything anyways, why make your baby suffer?

Well yes, babies cry. But CIO is actually child neglect where I am, so hey. I think it's. But rude to allow a baby to Cry It Out in an apartment block for hours on end.

Well that's not entirely true either. Colicy babies cry regardless a lot of the time.

no offense but i'm pretty sure 3 months old won't become spoiled brats from the physical comfort and nurture they need?? *ugh sorry I posted this in completely the wrong place*

Didn't they prove that the CIO method creates trust and anxiety issues? And that comforting a crying infant should be done because they need the human contact. I learned about this in college but it's been a few years. Also, there's a difference between a real cry and crying just for attention because they've learned it brings you to them. My sister had people call the police with noise complaints when my nephew was teething. They ended up calling protective services because the neighbors exaggerated and so she got investigated. It was very stressfull. Sorry you have to deal with this OP. Maybe ask them if they could move the crib or something?

Yes well leaving your kid to scream all night disturbing the entire building and preventing your neighbours from sleeping and rest, who were in the building first is not being a good neighbour or parent. Shut it up or move to a house.

awildwhisper 30

I hear zombies are finally getting the governmental recognition they deserve, great health insurance :)

I take it that you aren't a parent then, I have 8 month old that cries for everything regardless of whether he's full or not and sometimes I letave him to cry for him to Realize it's not necessary to ball your eyes out for everything

expertsmilee 26

That has nothing to do with this comment. Also, why the hell do you randomly capitalize Letters in your sentence?

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Seriously. Babies tend to cry for a reason. They aren't capable of using words to voice their problems. What if something seriously happened to it and these parents just decided to ignore it and let it cry?

Cruel might be a stretch and calling CPS may be a bit much. What I don't understand is how OP knows that the neighbors are ignoring it. Sometimes babies just have to cry themselves out and there is nothing the parents can do about it. They may be doing all they can.

I agree that the cry it out method does work in some cases, however 4 months old is way too early to be using it. Report them.

pharm121 21

Seriously?! That's BS! There's no shame in letting a child cry when you know that the infant isn't in any harm, has been fed, isn't cold/hot etc, sometimes infants just cry when being put down for attention. And running a back and forth to the child everything they cry just reenforces the child's need for attention when they should be sleeping. I used to work in a day care and our toddlers would cry all the time when it was nap time. And eventually after about 10 minutes they'd cry themselves out and be out like a light. There's nothing wrong with this.

Yeah, I live with my cousin and his wife, they have a baby. He's VERY attached to his mother and will cry for no other reason than she isn't holding him. Yes, they cry for a reason. That doesn't mean the reason is good. Though if it's keeping op up the whole night, that seems kinda long..

Four months old is when babies typically start to cry for no reason other than to get attention. It's also when cry it out is most effective. However, cry it out isn't letting your child cry for minutes on end when they need something. Usually, you can sleep train a 4 month old within 2 week using CIO, and they gradually cry less and less each night. You're suppose to make sure they are taken care of them and then lay them in their crib with a bedtime ritual, then, staying close by, within earshot, you let them learn to fall asleep without being held or rocked. You check on them every 7-10 minutes (video monitors are great for checking in) and sooth every 30. Voice sooth, or gently touching, never picking them up. It's a simple process, but it can be very challenging for the parents. I think I cried more than my daughter. But she's 7 and has always slept very, very well in her own room (occasional bad dreams aside). The child shouldn't be crying more than an hour, constantly, at that age (toddlers? Toddlers will cry and cry and cry, for hours (2 was our max, she did not want to nap.) when it naps time!) But, even if you're trying to sleep train your baby, you need to be considerate of your neighbors. Especially in an apartment complex. I would have given a little bag with nice ear plugs, a little treat and maybe a movie gift pass as an apology with a note explaining that it may be a tough week and please bear with us. And as a neighbor, I would only put up with it so far. There is a line. If it continues. I'd ask them if there's a reason the child is crying, like sleep training, or if they're just being neglectful. Also, remember, sometimes it's best for the baby if a parent walks away while they are crying. Some people have explosive tempers and shouldn't have kids, it's best they leave a crying child to cry rather than react badly.

That's actually not a bad idea. I'm going to do that for my neighbors.

aeryn97 17

the OP was NOT in the bedroom and is only ASSUMING they cry it out. the baby could have colic or trapped wind or was unsettled or overtired IN mom or dad's arms. when my daughter was overtired, she'd cry even if we were holding her. we took turns.

Joshoa123 16

You do know colic is a thing right. Until you have kids you simply won't understand how it is. Before my first child I used to get really annoyed at crying babies thinking it was the parents fault. And sure, it can be. But more often than not there simply isn't anything you can do for the child and when you have your own you become completely sympathetic to this and babies crying won't bother you anymore. (Mostly)

FarmerGirl420 11

That is a horrible thing to do to undeserving parents. If crying it out, which isn't abuse, is the only thing they're doing, then they do not deserve that. You do not know the parents or the situation. you are just a horrible person.

snarkytruth 37

Great point. Better a crying baby than a dead or broken one, especially if you're left wondering if your complaint was the last straw. Some people can't deal w crying babies any more than the OP and may need to walk away to keep from harming the baby. That includes parents of surprise blessings or too young parents or people with a short fuse. If it's colic nothing on earth will help but time. Universal Truth: Apartments Suck. For a million different reasons. 1. Get lots of soft ear plugs. Not the wax kind trust me. Headphones aren't comfortable to sleep in. Kids are noisy that's life in an apartment. It sucks for the parents too. 2. Ask the landlord if you can change apartments and pick a different unit. Go for an upper floor to avoid having to tap into your compassion for any other neighbors. 4. Move into a child free complex. Yes they exist. 5. Buy your own house. 6. Buy a white noise machine or pillow speaker. 7. Cry It Out. I hear you will eventually fall asleep. Heaven help your future spouse if they snore or if you ever have kids. Life has a cruel sense of humor like that. Finally, zombies are popular take advantage of it.

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I think there's a different than a toddler throwing a fit to get their way and a baby crying because it has legitimate needs that is isn't capable of conveying because it's a ******* baby that can't talk.

Actually research has proven that seeing to a baby faster makes them less likely to cry, as they learn that their needs will be seen to so they don't need to cry. I have never had to leave my baby to cry it out.

For a baby that young, leaving it to "cry it out" can lead to serious damage because it can shatter their natural trust in the parents. Some serious side effects include completely refusing to let the parents handle them (I've heard of cases where the grandparents had to come over and feed/change the baby because it refused its parents). The development stage for learning need from want starts much later.

I did mention that 4 months was too young. But I was talking about the 'let them cry it out' theory in general, as I often see non-parents complain about it without realising that parents are just trying their best and don't really want to hear the screaming either. I also don't think it's necessary for every child...but children do all have to start practising patience and becoming less egotistical, gradually, at some point. Also, babies who aren't seen to DO learn to stop crying. It's just technically abuse at that age. Children who are actually neglected learn to stop crying even when starving or in a soiled nappy; they know no-one will come. Pretty depressing, but it does happen.

Inconsiderate neighbours. I get babies cry but just letting them scream all night is one not good for them and two really thoughtless to those that have to listen to it. If it were me I'd write a letter politely explaining how you feel and if they don't respect that continuously make formal noise complaints they'll get a letter from the management company of your building. Baby's cry yes but all night I'm sorry but no there are limits to what you put your neighbours through.

aeryn97 17

It's entirely possible that they were holding the baby and the baby was screaming because it was overtired or had trapped wind or isn't adjusting well to the new place. babies cry even when held. called the witching hour or colic. look it up.

Yeah no from what OP is saying it's the "cry it out approach" if your baby is that colicky then go to the paediatrician. In our building people have to be quiet after 9 and we sympathize with crying babies but when that crying baby with two noise machines a load fan and ear plugs still keeps me up then I'm sorry I was in the building first and I won't put up with it. People need sleep to work and function and colic or not you chose to live in a condo you have to be respectful of your neighbours. Parents get enough breaks and bitchy or not your choice to be a parent shouldn't prevent me from being able to do my job or avoid illness due to lack of sleep.

aeryn97 17

young babies can suffer from trapped wind or colic. it's possible that they were holding the baby the whole time. and at 4 mo, the baby is likely in mom and dad's room. so the baby may move to its own room in a few months.

That. My first son used to cry and scream pretty much the first eight months of his life. We live in a house with a big garden, and our neighbors stopped by to ask what was going on because they heard the baby cry at all hours. I did not use "cry it out" and was carrying him in a wrap most of the time. He had a pacifier, but would cry around it. We had him checked out medically. We gave him medication to ease wind and colics and it helped some but he was still crying a lot. It gradually subsided and pretty much stopped when he was one year old. That's when he started to talk. Now he is six, and still talking non stop all day long. While he chews your ear off when you are with him, at least the neighbors aren't bothered anymore. :)

But then yet, the baby could fair well be in its own room already. My niece went into her own COT in her OWN room at 3 days old when released from hospital. She cried. And cried. And cried. I HATE cio. It's neglect here.

After awhile, you kind of start to get used to it.