Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
tweetyzyaw 20
Time to call the Fuzz
manateesarecool 13
She has a nice vocabulary
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Comments (119)
sylverdrag_fml 9
People tend to make light of the baby cries ignoring that a baby crying can reach 122 db (at 4 in) or more, the equivalent of siren or a fire alarm, just above the threshold of pain (120db). 12 ft. away, expect 90db, (the equivalent of factory machinery at 3 ft. - not an ideal sleeping environment) Here is an entirely novel approach: Sound proof the room your baby sleeps in. For the soundproofing, it doesn't have to cost a fortune. First, get a soundmeter app for your phone (some are free, but it's better to spring $1-2 for a full version) so you can measure objectively our progress. Measure your baby's cries. Start by plugging every air leak (windows, door frame, power outlets, etc.). Next, you can put one or two thick blankets on a frame around, above and below your baby's crib and it will cut the volume by another 10-30db or so (huge difference). Another benefit is that it will also cut down the volume of external sounds for your baby, so it's less likely outside sounds will wake him up. For under $50, you can turn painful baby cries down to a much more manageable level (busy street). If you Yes, your neighbor stepped over the line, but the truth is that YOU are the one disturbing him every night, not the other way around. There are probably other, more polite neighbors equally disturbed by the noise. Instead of getting into a war with your neighbor, talk to him during the day, apologize and soundproof your baby's room. You may find that he is probably more receptive during the day than he was after getting waken up for the 5th time at 3am. And if you take the measures needed to limit the damage in the future, you might make a friend.
ToxicTyrael 26
If your houses aren't too close to each other maybe a nice fire can help.
fyl7899 12
Omg I totally feel for the neighbors. Babies screaming is no doubt the most irritating sound in the world.
dark_angel4121 12
That's a threat; call the cops on her ass!
kiyash 14
She obviously doesn't know the struggle of calming down a wailing child. If she doesn't like it then maybe she should move?
Vestin 18
It's one thing to be kept awake at night because you had a kid; it's a whole different story when it's the result of someone else's decision. You didn't sign up for that shit, but it's happening anyway...
mwali02 32
Call the popo, stat!
mistress_paz 30
How do you know the neighbor smokes crack?
thatonetribute 31
Call the police, OP.
brendirific 12
Were you walking near her plants earlier