Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML
Today, I have a new coworker. Whenever he types something, he smacks the keyboard like its his wife's ass. It stresses me out. FML
Today, I finally noticed that my new coworker, with whom I have to share an office, starts every sentence with, "I mean…", then a pause, then says whatever he has to say. I can't un-notice it now, and it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. FML
Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML
Today, my boss shouted and screamed at me for my fuck ups that have humiliated the company and cost thousands to put right. It was only when he paused that I was able to tell him he had the wrong guy, he wanted my coworker down the hall. I’ve been here for four years and he still doesn’t know my name. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
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Top comments
Feared 9
Your comment literally made me shit myself inside out.
SkoomaKi 28
You should say "I'm literally going to kill you if you don't stop saying literally. Literally".
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Comments (165)
andrewmemoirs 2
I can't believe this literally got posted...I mean iiterally read this and was like wow...I can't believe I literally read that.
MrsDrake11 7
Dude, **** off. Let him use it how he wants. Shouldn't bother you.
CRC_101 31
I'd be on your side of the "literally" argument. That's a pretty extreme misuse of it. Still, don't get overstressed about it, as you obviously are. Perhaps use it as an opportunity to feel self-righteous and inwardly laugh at the stupidity of other humans? x) Being a bit of a dick is probably a better option than actually going insane and possibly murdering your coworker violently. Just don't go bonkers.
Lookinforlove10 1
Thats a dumb thing to anger you. Saying literally has become slang in a way. Alot of people use it that way so you literally need to get over it.
abby713 5
I'd be a lot more bothered by having to listen to a colleague talk about ******** himself inside out.
Dewgongong 0
There's a locally produced commercial that plays in our movie theaters about a man (with 3 PhDs and a Master's) battling a brain tumor. He says that before his treatment, he was "literally scared to death". That must be some fantastic treatment.
Hollers1995 0
But then again, if the guy shit his pants but still had shit in his bowels, he would have literally shit himself :p
christalst 2
Actually, not to sound like a bitch, but he's not using the word wrong. Through modern misuse of the word, the word 'literally' has become a contranym, meaning it definition is its conventional usage, as well as its antonym. In the case of the word literally, it means both literal as well as figurative. The later, is the definition your coworker is using. Other examples of contranyms inckude the word to cleave (to separate as well as to unit) and to dust (to dust off or to add dust while pulling finger prints). Uneducated--and self proclaimed-- grammar nazis tend to take offense to people who they think are less "educated" than they are, when in all actuality these self proclaimed grammar nazis are nothing but glorified assholes with massive egos. -your resident linguist.
christalst 2
Correction: Include* latter*
kitties_fml 12
why would a linguist misspell "latter" and "unite"? furthermore, you stated yourself that this was a "modern misuse" of the word. just because that's been noted by dictionaries does not make its usage as such any more correct, in my opinion--to use it to mean "figuratively" just seems ignorant.
Attica 20
At 92: I wish I could vote your comment up more than once.
Attica 20
It's kind of funny that you are the most "glorified asshole" with the most "massive ego" in any of the comments I've read. You're also incorrect. Would you like to explain the concept of irony to us?
MCTime 12
Smh 87, if you would have just left the last sentence off of your comment it wouldn't have been that bad. I know what you're trying to explain but being rude is not necessary. Language is static, it's constantly changing. There is often no real right or wrong usage of it. There have been people who have faught changes in the English language since it grew out of Germanic. Change, however, is inevitable. Literally has taken on a new meaning. As long as people continue to use it in this new way, it is likely to stick for awhile, regardless of what it's definition has been in the past.
Shade1982 21
@#92 I really think: Dictionaries > your opinion Just because you don't like it, doesn't make it incorrect. But being in the dictionary actually does make it correct...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Say what?
Calyx_fml 22
YDI for being a grammar Nazi.