Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML
Today, I have a new coworker. Whenever he types something, he smacks the keyboard like its his wife's ass. It stresses me out. FML
Today, I finally noticed that my new coworker, with whom I have to share an office, starts every sentence with, "I mean…", then a pause, then says whatever he has to say. I can't un-notice it now, and it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. FML
Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML
Today, my boss shouted and screamed at me for my fuck ups that have humiliated the company and cost thousands to put right. It was only when he paused that I was able to tell him he had the wrong guy, he wanted my coworker down the hall. I’ve been here for four years and he still doesn’t know my name. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
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Top comments
Feared 9
Your comment literally made me shit myself inside out.
SkoomaKi 28
You should say "I'm literally going to kill you if you don't stop saying literally. Literally".
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Comments (165)
PsychoticAsylum 26
Buy him the Oatmeal's grammar poster for 'Literally'.
torch433 1
jeez waf a baby -___- smh
NiyaNa 3
I hate it when people do that. And when they want to make a point out of not giving a shit, and they say "I could care less". It's like...are you retarded? IT'S "I COULDN'T CARE LESS." For ***** sake. Ugh.
BenTaz 7
I hate that shit too
bballforward33 10
Ok honestly, i dont see what wrong there...?
someguy314159265 15
Luckily, I don't really hear it that much, but I still don't understand why people use "literally" when they mean a figurative statement. In my opinion, that is what one would call lying.
darthtrey 0
You sound like a douche.
BlackHarry 0
Don't take it literally. :-)
daltonromanowski 11
People exaggerate all the time. I'm sure he knows what it actually means.
Albertkoholic 8
Ask him how he does that.