Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DaleksAreEpic 0
I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.
catnip216 0
This is why cats are awesome.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
tater2650 0
were you sleeping in the same bed that's illegal dude
ninjanate 0
I gave cat allergies :(
koolkat27 13
to whom did you give these allergies to?
mynameisT_fml 0
why tha heck were you sleeping next to your sister perv -_-
devilcb 5
why were you sleeping with your sister ^.^
randomtroll 0
u totally deserved that. cats suck it's all about dogs
Lov3rGirL 0
why is ur sister beside you? when ur sleeping? what have you been doing?
Trevman783 0
So why is your sister sleeping next to you? Maybe the cat was trying to prevent the deformed offspring that could have been.
Dez31396 0
u sleep next to your sister? .... incest.....
ILEUX 3
basement kitty strikes again
Gross2332 0
win