Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
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Top comments
DaleksAreEpic 0
I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.
catnip216 0
This is why cats are awesome.
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Comments (154)
xNikkiez 0
My question is, how were you 'struggling' to get a CAT off of you? YDI
testthecoal 5
1. The cat assassin attacked when he was asleep, so he would be surprised 2. I always seems to feel weak when i wake up, from not moving them and such 3. Who can resist pussy?
xNikkiez 0
But if it was so serious to be an FML, OP could have just pushed his cat aside. Ever woke up in a rush an flew out of your bed? You can't possible be that weak when you wake.
chippa 24
I am also very weak when I wake. I have trouble making so much as a fist, and if I get up when I wake up, I have a lot of trouble walking in a straight line or down the stairs. :/
testthecoal 5
If by rush you mean rolling out of bed, then yes :)
all4pooh 4
12 I was thinking the same thing lol
jewels1877 0
Pussy on your face? Interesting.
Immersion 0
nice face, bro!
brt3420 13
that's pathetic you struggled with moving a cat your useless
alpineodin 0
my cat is like 3.5 feet long... if he was to lay on me it would Hurt
meowmeowwkitty 0
it's got claws.
Iskaria 0
62 - Cats are less annoying than dogs, who are attention seekers. My dog is currently standing on my hair with his front paws and trying to chew it. A cat would not do this. Cats are less greedy than dogs generally as cats know when to stop eating, a dog will eat until it vomits if it likes the taste. Dogs will also eat vomit, and poop, not even because they are hungry, but because they are greedy. A long cat doesn't mean a fat cat, it (funnily enough) means a long cat, as in length not weight. That's like saying someone is fat because they are tall. Yes there are very large domestic cat breeds, such as the Maine Coon, and yes 62, you are an idiot.
emmanizzer 6
some people are weird. if you have that much hatred for cats, something weird must have happened with one in your past. :/ cats are awesome, especially mine. his name is booby and i love him! :D
koolkat27 13
wtf you named your cat booby??
afdude87 6
unless said cat had claws embedded in his face, ydi for being more of a pussy then the one on your face
mollysaysrawr_fml 7
Aww. I think that's cute. My friends cat used to do this to me. Then she died.
testthecoal 5
I wonder why...
ohheytherebuddy 0
i guess we'll never know...
itsHannahhh 0
hahaa thats a smart cat(:
UpsidedownKayak 9
He was just smothering you with affection. This is clearly a case of feline fatal attraction. You better be careful, he could start stalking you but I bet it's already too late.
testthecoal 5
Before or after he goes to the litter box, #4?
thegoodlife101 0
uh.. why was your sister sleeping next to you..