Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML
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Top comments
DaleksAreEpic 0
I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.
catnip216 0
This is why cats are awesome.
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Comments (154)
Silent_dream 0
@62 I personally don't favor cats or dogs but saying that a cat is useless is just down right horrible. to hate a whole type of animal is kind of like saying that you hate a whole race of humans. also, saying he should give up on life means you're encouraging suicide? shame on you. p.s. bahahaha op this made my day :) I want ur cat
Silent_dream 0
p.p.s. #67 win :)
Kelsey103 0
Lol your sister is nice
calley123 0
I laughed so hard at this! Haahahahahahah "today, my cat tried to kill me" aha geez, man.
chimp4494 0
a dog wouldn't do that!
saadiq 0
you sleep next to you sister
TCoop1515 0
why was your sister next to you while you were sleeping....?
Mylaughinplace 0
Am I the only one wondering why your sister was sleeping next to you?
rawrimapenguin 0
its not that big of a deal, i don't know why everyones asking that they could actually just sleep together because of lack of beds, sometimes sisters sleep together when they visit each other, or they could be sleeping in the same room in different beds.
AkaChocolate 4
You are a dumb SOB just stand-up
rawrimapenguin 0
its not that big of a deal, i don't know why everyones asking that they could actually just sleep together because of lack of beds, sometimes sisters sleep together when they visit each other, or they could be sleeping in the same room in different beds.