Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
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Top comments
organizse 28
"SAY MY NAME" "SAY. MY. NAME." "Mood killer."
KhaleesiDannie 26
Fandom's don't belong in the bedroom
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Comments (85)
infinitemonkey 21
Stupid joke. Now lighten up and stop acting like he made a 9/11 joke like another recent FML.
drc428 5
you should have moaned say my name...
Spongegirlcs 17
You're goddamn right!
exuberant_orange 17
That's methed up.
codyslong 12
that's great.
Badkarma4u 17
Yeah!!!!!! Foreplay, bitch!!!!!!
missnuthin 10
*ahem* like another AMC character said... "Like the Mojave-******".
smilebox96 2
I think you mean river
DaniX9 5
Hahaha I just watched Dormtainment on YouTube and in their dick pic video they used that line!
sky28guy 5
We'll your name is skylar
hugginsman76 10
a desert that they can cook in?