Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
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Top comments
organizse 28
"SAY MY NAME" "SAY. MY. NAME." "Mood killer."
KhaleesiDannie 26
Fandom's don't belong in the bedroom
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Comments (85)
grogers311 20
Haha when I first read this I thought it said your ****** turned into a dessert... I was like "does that really work??!!"
RobinGoodfellow 47
I think my ovaries shriveled up just reading this. My sympathies.
HeWillBeLoved105 22
I am definitely getting down voted for this, but that's the worse show ever.
joeblow6969 5
*Worst. But if you'd spellchecked your statement would still be retarded.
ToxicTyrael 26
Most people think that it's the "better" show ever.
RMLrapemylife 14
dissolve him in a barrel of acid..
WitEluded 13
Look him deep in the eyes and say, "Stay out of my territory." - Season 2, ep10
Johnnycake23 42
This is my domicile!
sam882 28
Should've said "let's meth around with each other"
kurodansei 16
calm down Tyson
codytallica 38
Not sure if he meant this to be funny but in my experience if you think to yourself "that would be funny" during sex it usually isn't.
thecman25 14
too bad the show ended:(
nightfire2258 26
Better Call Saul is coming on soon.
elizabeth4166 16
Lol female boner kill