Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
mjms1 4
how many more?
cottoncandymango 17
Well have you started?
pandahugsxo 6
Sounds like a fucktard..
Thomas6792 7
ik what I must go forth an do now
Joseph980000 6
Maybe he has a fetish of young school girls ;)
Amilli97 9
He seems very... Creative
JBrownie123 24
Am I the only one that uses that as an insult?...
Shandra78 9
Sounds like he's got a stiffy for Debra Morgan from Dexter...that's one of her lines.
jw90 18
Professor Fucktard is in the building. My lovely assistant could you please hand me one of those stretchy lubrication bag-like devices? Oh and the butt ointment. You'll need that too.
angeluv_2014 22
What the shit?? Why????