Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
D3ATHZ3RO 15
He does know Fucktard isn't a good thing, right?
JudgeComrade 17
Well, it looks like you failed your test in Dumbfuckery... but I'm sure we can come to an... "arrangement"...
winston_salem 10
My my. That's interesting.
chuckcloninger 12
Tell him when he drops the "Professor Fucktard" moniker you will drop your panties. And not before. See how that works out!
rememberkids 14
use it every time He's an idiot! He wants it, so give him what he wants!
wonders8 3
You should take out the professor part and call him the rest ;)
RedPillSucks 31
I think #29 might be closer to the mark.
Laith 12
Means ****** Bastard lol
edmunson 22
No, ******* retard actually. And that's wrong on so many levels...
worldclassrager 39
Bet that might ruin a moment...
corporatescoundr 25
Maybe he meant Professor Fuckhard?