Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
17This_Is_Me17 8
What does he get out of it ? ._.
Cristianma 13
Paging Professor Fucktard to the insanity ward.
9echo 17
And the problem is.....?
baseballdude1283 18
Sounds like that's what he really might be....
BlissfulLiss 18
Why not just go with it if it actually gets him off? Maybe once you start you'll get used to it and his performance will improve in his excitement.
Lil_pink 8
O gosh
tehdarkness 21
I guess I would oblige, but you ought to probe and find out the Origin of this strange request.
luckypants 17
Maybe he meant "****** Hard", but when he said it you heard "fucktard"...?
KiddNYC1O 20
Oh, stop whining, people... That is highly appropriate.
MissBoo111 21
If he continues to insist upon this, tell him you won't put out. He will either drop it once he realizes you are serious or you will just have to find a boyfriend that isn't crazy in bed!
graceinsheepwear 33
Now what fun is a boyfriend who isn't crazy in bed?