Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
WhiteCrimson 23
No one can be a prof between sheet and duvet. Woman are a bit too complex for just the normal ABC bullshit we try.
buckdharma 37
Just make sure he wears a dunce cap so there's no little fucktards.
websphere69 27
so less bedroom time means less fucktardness.... lol
rockyannie 11
tell him you will be glad to call him that for the rest of his life as long as he doesn't mind not having sex with you for eternity.
Obey_StudBoii 23
He's not very wound up now is he.
jrod9327 17
I hope he gave a reason why or that is just plain WTF
buckdharma 37
If you pass Professor Fucktard's stringent curriculum, you'll earn a degree in freaky.
outoftown 26
Tell him he has to start as Assistant Professor Fucktard, without tenure, then work his way up ;)
BaraSkit07 12
Call him doctor professor cocks. Scrubs reference.
theofficialkumar 6
You need to study a different subject, he sounds like a creep!