Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
disney_blonde 16
Tell him he needs years of graduate school to be Professor Fucktard. But he can be Mr. Fucktard,
insomniac8400 13
Does he know that being a fucktard is in fact a bad thing?
Xotoolyxo 16
If it makes the sex better... Just go With it(;
judea95 16
Surely "Professor F***hard" would make more sense if its in the bedroom
xJebu 8
Hawt
nasaboyinspace 14
fucktard is an insult
kalbrek009 20
(Sorry in advance for the language that is about to follow) Oh, he's a (as you put it...fucktard) alright....professor?...no, unless you take into consideration that he "professes" to be a "fucktard"...in which case that would mean that he is in fact, an idiot....since a "fucktard" is a "******* retard" or "******* idiot"... so, my question is this:.....Is he really stupid in the bedroom & not know how to do anything properly, since he wants to be called on it?
amifaiyaz 12
Can't stop laughing at this.
derpy_batman 4
Oh god lol so sexy much hot
DedeleMan 21
Now that's an FML