Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
lyssgross 16
I wonder how that fantasy got started....
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
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Comments (108)
michaelaranda 28
Theres nothing wrong about that. Different things turn different people on.
TheDrifter 23
Yeah, but this ones even weirder than the girl who insisted on calling me Santa in bed.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
^ Lets hope you had a good present for her.
tegraturbo2000 15
did she get what was in santas "bag"
theaaxis 27
Hey, take it as a compliment, she must've thought you had a great package!
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17
I bet it was his dick in a box! :D
chocolatefrog28 29
Insist that he, in turn, call you something like Princess Twatwaffle until one of you cracks. If you can't beat the crazy, join in.
AKGirlinSD 20
^I love that you found a compromise. Twatwaffle is a keeper, therefore, I'm using it LOL.
purebliss_fml 19
That's how he gets his rocks off? Professor Fucktard? Surely it's a joke or bet he has going with his mates.
Thundering_Jibbs 13
That way when he "enters" you, he can say "the doctor is in..."
challan 19
Become Dean Cockblocker.
Enslaved 36
Only if professor has a PhD (Pretty Hard Dick):P
olpally 32
He really is a fucktard.
punkyboy 11
actually he is doctor professor fucktard
rich443 22
well at least he knows what he is
bethers_ 22
I've always used fucktard as an insult, not as a dirty pet name.. Maybe he needs to think about the connotations. Professor Fuckwell sounds a lot better right? Yes? ...maybe? Yeah it's just not working.
EpicSquishii 21
"Dr. RIP Studwell!"