Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist,... - FML

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

By FML Team - 5/6/2009 21:37

Screenplay by FML

-FML- screenplay by FML Team FADE IN 1. INT. MORDERN OFFICE BLOCK - PRAGUE -- NIGHTSleek surface, lit only by the skyline beyond....

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous / Tuesday 5 May 2009 06:21 / United States

Trust

KoBabe

Workaholic

By anon - 2/1/2016 15:57 - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21685

You deserved it

1865

Tweet

Share

By Pepsi - 6/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Social reform, please

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1591

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46516

You deserved it

3495

Tweet

Share

By notdrivinganytimesoon - 4/3/2015 02:35 - United States - Richardson

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35158

You deserved it

7650

Tweet

Share

By smiletellsall - 6/8/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66639

You deserved it

3086

Tweet

Share

By Embarrassed - 5/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2967

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 05:00

Fixed

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1566

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By Ain't going nowhere - 24/6/2015 18:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27277

You deserved it

1833

Tweet

Share

By FUCK YOU - 8/8/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45320

You deserved it

15091

Tweet

Share

By tokinallday - 2/1/2015 19:23 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35231

You deserved it

2479

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 13/9/2015 15:34 - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28859

You deserved it

2856

Tweet

Share

By whattdafuuukkkk - 5/6/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25321

You deserved it

6565

Tweet

Share

By Wally - 4/1/2010 17:52 - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26849

You deserved it

3966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 10:01

Bonjour!

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1296

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 19:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18554

You deserved it

1475

Tweet

Share

By seriously?! - 11/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38918

You deserved it

8909

Tweet

Share

By costcocondoms - 23/7/2009 05:23 - Mexico

Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56824

You deserved it

9593

Tweet

Share

By ByeByeBirdie - 29/6/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9660

You deserved it

1765

Tweet

Share

By ... - 10/2/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36999

You deserved it

4321

Tweet

Share

By crinitis - 28/1/2016 16:05 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22957

You deserved it

1379

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 15/3/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45040

You deserved it

17230

Tweet

Share

By Mark - 13/8/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48581

You deserved it

8744

Tweet

Share

By myles bevan - 9/9/2010 10:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12096

You deserved it

39796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59503

You deserved it

4787

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37623

You deserved it

6130

Tweet

Share

By PerfectBoyfriend - 7/6/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16224

You deserved it

1893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 18:22 - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47524

You deserved it

5352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33688

You deserved it

5651

Tweet

Share

By Bubba - 23/9/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37580

You deserved it

11021

Tweet

Share

By stupiddddddd - 8/7/2009 07:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56541

You deserved it

9009

Tweet

Share

By Gabi - 9/1/2010 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17213

You deserved it

32289

Tweet

Share

By juliette - 8/10/2012 05:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35337

You deserved it

4469

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/1/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36839

You deserved it

5966

Tweet

Share

By Toby's.Mom. - 16/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Your kid is a boffin

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4838

You deserved it

2885

Tweet

Share

By carmelita - 16/7/2009 15:09 - Singapore

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend. A while later I forgot about it and started digging my nose vigorously. He then beeped me and said "Digging for gold, dear? " FML

I agree, your life sucks

11731

You deserved it

59536

Tweet

Share

By mhmm... cumsquats - 9/2/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17790

You deserved it

60333

Tweet

Share

By glittercat - 26/1/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32103

You deserved it

3294

Tweet

Share

By Username - 14/4/2011 06:59

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27560

You deserved it

18799

Tweet

Share

By lapines01 - 12/8/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1392

You deserved it

284

Tweet

Share

By nalathelionqueen - 10/8/2012 22:44 - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26422

You deserved it

3048

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tick_tock | 0

#171093 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:04

Why would you pay for a haircut you hated?

By loto_fml | 3

#171094 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:05

It's what happens when you pay a ridiculous price for something that is otherwise so cheap. I get my hair cut for around $7 and the lady is great.

COMMENTS

By tick_tock | 0

#171093 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:04

Why would you pay for a haircut you hated?

Reply

rubberbandgeek | 0

#463445 - Thursday 6 August 2009 20:52

Well his right why in the efin world would you pay tht gay ass fag tht like Star Trek.
And what the hell is his problem you said trim not I wana look like Spock go back there and beat him STRAIGHT.

Reply

AuriPantz | 0

#626299 - Sunday 18 October 2009 23:27

Uh, excuse me? Star Trek is AWESOME. And, please, this is a LITERATE site. So use those 3rd grade grammar and spelling skills.

But, seriously, dude, why pay for something you didn't want?

Reply

metro_mello | 0

#770563 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 20:26

It's not like he has the choice to not pay. They can call the cops on your ass. And as for people saying it's his fault. How does he deserve it? It's not liek you can watch what your hair cutter is doing to your hair like wtf. Honestly there are bad haircutters out in the world. It's not like it's his fault -_-

Reply

blankaex | 0

#900546 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:43

isnt it live long AND prosper?

Reply

redsox4021 | 0

#984177 - Saturday 24 April 2010 4:35

#279 why are you saying "gay ass fag" that's offensive to some people and you look like an 8 year old with down syndrome.

Reply

victoria4161993 | 0

#1021589 - Sunday 6 June 2010 17:50

well you should have told her what you wanted

Reply

ljesm14 | 1

#2646731 - Thursday 9 June 2011 7:34

don't worry OP.
Spock is sexy :P

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#2950990 - Friday 22 July 2011 11:37

you mean the Vulcan salute

Reply

maz_irken | 6

#3042381 - Friday 5 August 2011 6:40

i would love for a boyfriend to look like Spock.
Not an FML in my opinion :D

Reply

SecretlyADuck | 7

#4043834 - Thursday 16 February 2012 20:24

You mean the .... Go get a girlfriend and move out of your mothers house you sad sad person :)

Reply

chocolatepr | 4

#4292882 - Thursday 12 April 2012 4:48

its pree bad when u know what that sign is.

Reply

PlasmaPorter | 12

#5993253 - Monday 30 June 2014 15:10

That moment when you realize Spock is Sylar from Heroes (awesome Netflix series)

By loto_fml | 3

#171094 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:05

It's what happens when you pay a ridiculous price for something that is otherwise so cheap. I get my hair cut for around $7 and the lady is great.

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#395672 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:59

I have my mom do my hair. Put the point remains that YDI for paying so much for that. I mean, what the hell? You could have gone to see Star Trek like 10 times with $60. At least in Nebraska. Probably more expensive in other places.

Reply

stripper_bitch | 0

#404702 - Friday 17 July 2009 14:49

It's $10.25 a ticket in NY (capital district anyway), don't know anywhere else. If you're only paying 6ish, you're lucky in my opinion haha

Reply

kaytee05 | 0

#979822 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 22:30

hahahaha give the sign back to em!(:

Reply

CATastroph1c | 22

#6467166 - Sunday 22 November 2015 4:19

#296 That is what they put...

By Singularity_fml | 0

#171101 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:07

Do you have black hair?

By eff_mi_lyfe | 0

#171103 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:07

may the fourth be with you!

Reply

yowler18 | 0

#402495 - Thursday 16 July 2009 20:48

Dude, Wrong movie. May the fourth be with you is Star WARS, not star trek.

Reply

picky_and_bitter | 0

#412623 - Monday 20 July 2009 6:18

lol she's number 4. may the FOURTH be with you. i get it.

Reply

Tess_fml | 7

#515920 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 7:58

Still, wrong movie. FAIL.

Reply

blackheart115 | 0

#523574 - Saturday 29 August 2009 6:47

It's force, not fourth....but yeah, #4

Reply

popoman | 0

#706087 - Saturday 5 December 2009 17:37

Way to not get it, blackheart.

Reply

poisonfrog7 | 2

#711213 - Wednesday 9 December 2009 4:32

im guessing you read that on MLIA. may fourth is clearly national star wars day because of it.

By Horde | 8

#171107 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:09

YDI for paying ridiculous price for a hair you don't even like.. Why the hell didn't you tell the stylist to change it?

Reply

RubixMonkey | 0

#613205 - Saturday 10 October 2009 9:19

Yeah Op, you're a boy, just do a buzz cut.

Reply

maz_irken | 6

#3042392 - Friday 5 August 2011 6:42

thor hammer?

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#171109 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:09

If this is posted three times, I'm sorry because my computer is fucking me in the ass right now.
I would get that haircut on purpose. Leonard Nimoy is a god.
@4, you just made the first acceptable number post in the history of FML.

Reply

ipod_addict | 0

#2025192 - Sunday 30 January 2011 15:27

coolstorybro

Reply

ALlamaOnFire | 20

#4793326 - Thursday 9 August 2012 17:38

They didn't cause it's the wrong movie.

By mfed1120 | 0

#171110 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:09

but yesterday was "may the fourth be with you" day.
YDI
just because you paid for something I'm guessing you did not want.

By AndreaKina | 0

#171112 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:09

hahaha aww i feel for u. But u know, u could always get people to pay for taking their picture with u, the STAR TREKKER. And u could earn money off of ur stupid haircut and people get a picture and all is good "D

By poeticpunk77 | 0

#171120 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:13

Unless you didn't look in the mirror before leaving the hair place, then you could've done something about the haircut. Sorry, but you get no sympathy from me.

By Jimboom | 11

#171122 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 16:14

Why would you pay for it? If you didn't like the haircut then get them to change it or complain. Either way you will get your money back or a different haircut.