Love: Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills:... - FML

By TooShortToCleanThat - 20/03/2015 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 3 741

Taking stock

BO Central

Overreach

Untidy

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 14:02 - Germany

Today, my mom wanted a pat on the back for putting away some bottles that were clogging up the kitchen bench. She put them away by putting them on top of the dishwasher for me to deal with. They were from a trip she took over Christmas. It’s now March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 65

Reluctant

By bruised - 15/08/2015 15:47 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 045

You deserved it 1 945

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 910

You deserved it 7 644

By saltinawound - 05/03/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 988

You deserved it 9 796

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 405

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 07/11/2012 18:28 - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 2 302

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 228

By iliana74 - 20/04/2016 16:07 - United States - Hamilton

Today, a woman came up to me and sheepishly asked if my son is single. He's not my son, he's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 869

You deserved it 2 227

By Heyy - 24/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 983

You deserved it 12 013

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 21:47 - United States - Eugene

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 840

You deserved it 1 260

By teacher - 31/08/2010 14:50 - United States

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 788

You deserved it 8 367

Get out

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 174

By lonely loser - 22/08/2014 18:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 679

You deserved it 6 748

By good-samaritan-fail - 06/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 9 405

By cougar26 - 24/09/2015 16:42 - United States - Pullman

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 959

You deserved it 1 506

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 138

You deserved it 3 303

Are you experienced?

By Karenfast17 - 03/03/2021 14:58 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, I have to write my resume, and my teacher asked me about my secondary school activities. I'd never joined in any activities at that time, did no work experience, no volunteer work, except for two activities that I did in an institution centre this year. This all means I'm good at NOTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 304

By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - 11/09/2012 03:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 528

You deserved it 7 221

By Teenagemum - 13/07/2019 20:30

Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 95

By brokeaf - 11/07/2011 19:09 - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 876

You deserved it 52 460

By Samyett - 09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 164

You deserved it 14 931

By slingshot - 07/09/2010 05:53 - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 668

You deserved it 27 561

By wowimscrewed - 14/04/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 606

You deserved it 32 765

By Strainer - 23/05/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 5 968

By in pain and tardy - 11/03/2016 23:00 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 828

You deserved it 1 314

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 14:06

Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 127

By broke - 22/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 318

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 04:29 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 524

You deserved it 5 036

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 6 060

By Anonymous - 30/05/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 417

You deserved it 6 793

By LeoCor - 27/08/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 107

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 656

By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 5 752

By izzy46111 - 11/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 887

You deserved it 5 133

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 253

You deserved it 50 744

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/08/2018 03:30

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 329

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 592

You deserved it 509

Bad pig!

By otter - 17/08/2011 02:05 - United States

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 16 548

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:20

That's an impressive shot

Norja 33

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:21

You're dating a manchild. Give him a bucket and cloth and tell him to clean it up.

Comments

CallMeWindSock 24

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:19

I hope he cleaned it up.

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Friday 20 March 2015 20:51

You're telling me this is not normal?!?!?

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:20

1st YDI

Norja 33

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:22

Fail

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:39

How did she deserve it??

chazzywazzy654 22

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Friday 20 March 2015 13:40

I think #2 just got carried away about being the first to do something, with no actual consideration for the OP. Pathetic really haha

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Friday 20 March 2015 14:37

well I just learned I could thumb myself down lol

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Friday 20 March 2015 14:41

also you can say both YDI and YLS, just did it to be first, but not how I feel. I'm sorry I pissed you guys off.

mistress_paz 30

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:20

Deal breaker! He's nasty.

JazzHandsFML 28

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Friday 20 March 2015 15:35

I'm more curious how he does this shite?

brittaaany_93 38

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Friday 20 March 2015 16:21

I'm even more curious to know how many times he's done this for it to be his favourite skill.

karma_kicks_back 16

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Friday 20 March 2015 20:46

Now I'm curious as to how he shites!! I joke. If he can shit on the ceiling then he's defying gravity and needs to be studied.

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:20

That's an impressive shot

Norja 33

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:21

You're dating a manchild. Give him a bucket and cloth and tell him to clean it up.

cj75 18

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Friday 20 March 2015 14:23

being a manchild is fun. if someone I am dating can't accept my childish moments like blowing stuff up then I can't be with them

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Friday 20 March 2015 16:05

There's a time and place for being a manchild. This is not one of those.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Friday 20 March 2015 16:17

#40 There's a difference between having a childish moment and being disgusting enough to pee on the ceiling.

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Friday 20 March 2015 16:47

For whatever reason this FML and comment reminds me of Daddy Day Care, because the one kid pees all over the walls and ceiling.

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Friday 20 March 2015 22:56

Not even man child's are that bad, that's some monkey ass shit, speaking of shit keep it away from him he'll probably end up throwing it

cj75 18

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Saturday 21 March 2015 0:24

i don't know what kind of lives you all have lived but if you can't act like a child in any situation no matter who you are near then you are doing adulthood wrong

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Saturday 21 March 2015 1:02

as has been stated, there's acceptable child like and then there's completely unacceptable on all levels....

cj75 18

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Saturday 21 March 2015 10:08

I am just saying why force yourself to act mature? g humans are animals so I say why not act like one and accept those who do

Aimeejasmine 15

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Saturday 21 March 2015 10:11

Would you pee over someone else's ceiling just for fun? Because that's not acting silly and goofy it's plain disgusting, OP has to live there and that man is a pig. We have toilets for our benefit not to take away our animal side omfg ?

cj75 18

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Saturday 21 March 2015 10:16

that is why I pee outside with my dog. and also toilets are disgusting no matter how clean they appear to be.

cj75 18

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Saturday 21 March 2015 10:29

plus humans were not meant to stay stationery.

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Saturday 21 March 2015 17:57

#99 that is different peeing on the ceiling is not the same as peeing outside. Peeing on the ceiling is just plain messed up. How would you like it if your girlfriend or boyfriend (I don't judge) passed on your ceiling? It's not childish just plain nasty.

cj75 18

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Sunday 22 March 2015 1:38

I would not care

Tthug 34

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:21

Seems like a skill best reserved for people you hate...I just don't understand the motivation. I think you're boyfriend is a moron. Make his sorry ass clean it up. And then kick him in the nuts for being a tard.

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Friday 20 March 2015 13:45

Hey! She said she said she wanted a golden shower. He practiced, and can do it now, FOR HER. She can't complain when he does exactly what she trained him to do.

Tthug 34

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Friday 20 March 2015 16:09

Aww. Autocorrect nailed me. I might be a moron too, but at least I'm not the pee-on-ceiling type.

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:22

Oh.

wakemeupplease 21

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Friday 20 March 2015 18:30

Nope she has to let people know she's shocked :D

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Saturday 21 March 2015 22:04

Why do you care?

kingkobrastrikes 13

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:22

I remember when my brother did that... he was 5... what a winner the bf is!

paintedchocolate 30

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:22

Wha-? Why...? What the hell made him think that was a good idea?

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Friday 20 March 2015 12:23

What goes up must come down.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 28

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 99