Miscellaneous: Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian,... - FML

By shawnsmuffins - United States - Tampa

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36034

You deserved it

5327

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Serious times

BO Central

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25315

You deserved it

2359

Tweet

Share

By morethanablondemoment - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24297

You deserved it

4317

Tweet

Share

By calidumbass - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8643

You deserved it

121303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51433

You deserved it

4810

Tweet

Share

By TiredMom - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29884

You deserved it

10047

Tweet

Share

By thanksgrandpa - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17847

You deserved it

1607

Tweet

Share

By goodgrief - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51773

You deserved it

8740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52041

You deserved it

5209

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28340

You deserved it

2467

Tweet

Share

By Yeppets - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67776

You deserved it

5932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24203

You deserved it

2004

Tweet

Share

By foxbrat - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32141

You deserved it

3279

Tweet

Share

By Anathema_360 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42117

You deserved it

3893

Tweet

Share

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29277

You deserved it

4289

Tweet

Share

By exasperated - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55048

You deserved it

4601

Tweet

Share

By spoton

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5710

You deserved it

833

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45493

You deserved it

22898

Tweet

Share

By Dummy

Happy Easter!

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3673

You deserved it

1391

Tweet

Share

By Jess - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65742

You deserved it

3526

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41889

You deserved it

3400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25994

You deserved it

1806

Tweet

Share

By Vercsi - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

One of those people

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33233

You deserved it

2733

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8364

You deserved it

1438

Tweet

Share

By meg - 7/2/2021 00:30

Nice

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

719

You deserved it

102

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38467

You deserved it

3083

Tweet

Share

By konens_dick - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

275919

You deserved it

36947

Tweet

Share

By =( - Australia

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37665

You deserved it

4138

Tweet

Share

By Ohgreat - United States

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10520

You deserved it

46607

Tweet

Share

By are you kidding me? - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13455

You deserved it

908

Tweet

Share

By jasmith - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26943

You deserved it

3534

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50392

You deserved it

4157

Tweet

Share

By sydneybourgeois - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43442

You deserved it

16107

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26006

You deserved it

2245

Tweet

Share

By nowbrokevaper - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9293

You deserved it

777

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51124

You deserved it

4234

Tweet

Share

By Lance from the Serfs is a snacc - 3/5/2021 00:30

Unhealthy relationship

Today, I had to admit that I'm polyamorous. Well, I'm in several relationships. Parasocial relationships. With YouTubers and Twitch streamers. I talk to them through the screen. I can't remember what it's like to have real-life friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

313

You deserved it

873

Tweet

Share

By the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom - London

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48228

You deserved it

4539

Tweet

Share

By whygod

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18211

You deserved it

1382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35023

You deserved it

7954

Tweet

Share

By HereForJAMMF

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8327

You deserved it

6171

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By spencer353 | 15

#6237973 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:20

Everybody knows black people will die without fried chicken...

By may14th | 26

#6237976 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

here comes a flood of fried chicken comments

COMMENTS

By princessEll | 25

#6237971 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:18

Did you not know that...?

By spencer353 | 15

#6237973 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:20

Everybody knows black people will die without fried chicken...

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#6237975 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

Fuck, beat me to it.

Reply

Anonymousjeffrey | 13

#6237979 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:25

Beat me to it too...

By airforce987 | 20

#6237974 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:21

I don't blame them, can't let all that fried chicken go to waste.

By may14th | 26

#6237976 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

here comes a flood of fried chicken comments

By 123ika | 16

#6237977 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:24

Everyone knows black people only eat KFC and watermelons! /sarcasm

By noberg | 14

#6237980 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:28

Well I'll be darned!

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6237981 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:29

because black people shouldn't eat greens

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7415763 - Friday 24 February 2017 12:31

Did they mention KFC?

By NOTaVirginMojito | 18

#7778163 - Thursday 7 March 2019 18:56

Y’all niggas lucky just to get food don’t get picky lmao