Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian,...

By shawnsmuffins - 20/3/2015 02:23 - United States - Tampa

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35976

You deserved it

5318

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Nice neighborhood

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am... And to not forget to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30431

You deserved it

5650

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30525

You deserved it

8837

Favorite

By Me myself & I - 19/4/2016 01:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20712

You deserved it

2001

Favorite

By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7127

You deserved it

777

Favorite

By Cheerieful - 7/5/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28090

You deserved it

10163

Favorite

By Appelflap - 29/3/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36461

You deserved it

2769

Favorite

By thenotsomanlyman - 7/3/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13646

You deserved it

41527

Favorite

By ocroyalty - 1/2/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21351

You deserved it

2638

Favorite

By Sisi - 29/8/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5461

You deserved it

10993

Favorite

By icanunderstand - 10/7/2009 12:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54058

You deserved it

3654

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26937

You deserved it

8563

Favorite

By rapper in training - 11/2/2012 01:02 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29653

You deserved it

3057

Favorite

By SmallAngel - 22/3/2013 00:35 - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53112

You deserved it

3541

Favorite

By twit - 16/3/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

236778

You deserved it

38920

Favorite

By longday - 25/7/2010 06:13 - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24439

You deserved it

6725

Favorite

By Username - 2/8/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35408

You deserved it

5083

Favorite

By Toolmaker - 23/8/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2777

You deserved it

626

Favorite

By JLO - 18/8/2011 14:11 - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29826

You deserved it

3637

Favorite

By sicktomystomach - 2/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70552

You deserved it

5191

Favorite

By mommytobe - 5/8/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32047

You deserved it

2496

Favorite

By redcherries90 - 8/12/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31582

You deserved it

3975

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/6/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17607

You deserved it

45091

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61674

You deserved it

3095

Favorite

By Ignored - 13/7/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41207

You deserved it

9313

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2012 20:19 - United States - Renton

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25595

You deserved it

2169

Favorite

By RustyBulletHole - 4/2/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45012

You deserved it

2333

Favorite

By acnebutt - 27/8/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29514

You deserved it

5395

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19707

You deserved it

4591

Favorite

By murphy22 - 24/8/2012 09:33 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24548

You deserved it

2789

Favorite

By sadandmad - 20/1/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21954

You deserved it

2852

Favorite

By dan - 9/5/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24997

You deserved it

2124

Favorite

By luroluro - 23/6/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30301

You deserved it

3106

Favorite

By duckthehack - 28/1/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42846

You deserved it

8846

Favorite

By chelsay05 - 4/11/2016 00:53 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10290

You deserved it

653

Favorite

By Katie - 9/3/2012 06:48 - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25090

You deserved it

2838

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 22:38 - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22833

You deserved it

2152

Favorite

By Ohfknhell - 16/5/2018 05:00

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4510

You deserved it

729

Favorite

By anon - 4/5/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9700

You deserved it

104130

Favorite

By Enslaved - 15/11/2016 08:40

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10451

You deserved it

1273

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30369

You deserved it

2342

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By spencer353 | 15

#6237973 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:20

Everybody knows black people will die without fried chicken...

By may14th | 26

#6237976 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

here comes a flood of fried chicken comments

Comments

By princessEll | 25

#6237971 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:18

Did you not know that...?

By spencer353 | 15

#6237973 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:20

Everybody knows black people will die without fried chicken...

airforce987 | 20

#6237975 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

Fuck, beat me to it.

Anonymousjeffrey | 13

#6237979 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:25

Beat me to it too...

By airforce987 | 20

#6237974 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:21

I don't blame them, can't let all that fried chicken go to waste.

By may14th | 26

#6237976 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:22

here comes a flood of fried chicken comments

By 123ika | 16

#6237977 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:24

Everyone knows black people only eat KFC and watermelons! /sarcasm

By noberg | 14

#6237980 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:28

Well I'll be darned!

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6237981 - Friday 20 March 2015 9:29

because black people shouldn't eat greens

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7415763 - Friday 24 February 2017 12:31

Did they mention KFC?

By NOTaVirginMojito | 18

#7778163 - Thursday 7 March 2019 18:56

Y’all niggas lucky just to get food don’t get picky lmao

By evelina69 | 12

#7870801 - Monday 30 December 2020 16:12

Fuсk me here - www.love696.club !!518kx!!