Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I really wish people would get a clue and stop comparing sex to vibrators. They're two completely different things that give different form of stimulation. Toys are not replacements for actual sex.
CoachLlama 5
Headline - "Jealous lover tries to drown competition after getting bad vibe."
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Comments (169)
hmm_its_not_that 0
he ain't hittin it right
Nadinek98 0
smart man.
sabinob 1
you would think they would make all vibrators waterproof....
sabinob 1
In case things...you know...get out of control..
ThankfullyNotYou 1
If it wasn't his eighty bucks that bought the dillydoo. Than you submerge his face in the toilet. He's just a boyfriend and until otherwise he don't get to say what you own. The way I see it. He owes you eighty dollars now.
lolugotowned 0
an $80 vibrator?!?!? WTF did it do SING?!?
Zebidee 9
Yes, but in a muffled voice.
monnanon 14
why should a woman get rid of her sex toys just because a man has entered her life. Men still wank in a relationship so give the woman peace to go at it on her own. Not every woman buys a sex toy to use with their man either, are we not allowed to have anything to ourselves?? @OP make that idiot pay back every single penny, he has no right to destroy any of your stuff. He would flip out if you destroyed any of his things. Once he has paid back all the money let him go.
resplendencerino_fml 3
well said! also, if he refuses to replace your vibe, pay him back by submerging your "competition" in water, I.e his laptop with all his **** :)
cpatrick820 3
I guess I'm alone here, but what's wrong with just real, hot, human sex? Some of you are arguing that "guys can't do it as much as we need it." Some also say they need it 50 times a day. 50 times a DAY?!? How lonely are you?!? I know in the past when I had a long dry spell, I'd ********** (using my hand like the goddamn Romans did) once or twice a day. The lonelier I became, the more I wanted to. It seems like a reliance on a paint-shaker to make the sadness go away is unhealthy....I KNOW I'll receive hate for this, but when I'm in a good relationship like I'm in now, I don't even feel the need to bop the bishop. All I'm saying is let the stimulation be a special thing. Cheap plastic toys just cheapen the whole intent of it. If you need to get off and don't have someone to do it with, at least just go old school and flick the bean. Jeez.
monnanon 14
sometimes it has nothing to do with loneliness some people are just very highly sexed. As for not wanking in a relationship masturbation is completely different from sex or play with a partner and some people just like to be selfish every once in a while. Each to their own in a relationship tho
skatingzooyork 0
hahahaha
bugmenotmofo 34
And you would think an $80 vibrator would be at least water resistant...
b_quail 0
Nothing wrong with using a vibrator when you have a boyfriend, apart or during play together. The penis isn't a magical female ****** stick just because the man's pleasure educing nerve endings happen to be there. $80 isn't that much for a good quality vibrator and it should be seen as an investment in sexual happiness. If a man is threatened by his partner using a vibrator, he's irrationally insecure and has issues to work out. Physical stimulation by a vibrator =/= the shared physical and emotional experience that good partner sex has. If he's worth dating at all, he should care that your sexual needs are being met. Dump him!