By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Still got game

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25290

You deserved it

2125

Favorite

Intimacy

Walk on the wild side

Marxism intensifies

Kids

By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Posty - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42512

You deserved it

26669

Favorite

By Joel - United States

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44018

You deserved it

6249

Favorite

By ring-a-ding-ding - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37104

You deserved it

3570

Favorite

By Wowsers. - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13761

You deserved it

35918

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41600

You deserved it

13435

Favorite

By anon

Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38274

You deserved it

8290

Favorite

By abby181 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34032

You deserved it

3487

Favorite

By samba_spaz - United States - Los Angeles

Groove is in the Heart

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

642

You deserved it

1997

Favorite

By SleeplessInSoCal - United States

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37926

You deserved it

3275

Favorite

By spanishteach - United States

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52182

You deserved it

13647

Favorite

By oops - Canada - Okotoks

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76406

You deserved it

5666

Favorite

By wtf_are_people_doing

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend for a walk. It's our anniversary, and I hadn't seen him in over a month because of the quarantine, so we agreed to meet, as long as we had the proper safety gear and were careful. On my way to meet him, I drove past a park. In it were twelve half-naked teenagers playing volleyball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1386

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By no snow day - United States - Round Lake

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47126

You deserved it

4009

Favorite

By Anonymous

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By cedechan - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30613

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By beardedlady - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49937

You deserved it

5210

Favorite

By DamnGurl - 12/2/2021 02:58 - United States - Kula

Too clever

Today, during a programming interview, I provided the right approach and the right answer as agreed by the interviewer, but used some extra variables with proper names. Guess who is not selected for the next round due to those extra variables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

740

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By masterofblues - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44471

You deserved it

8462

Favorite

By nitwit - Greece

Today, I spent hours consoling my girlfriend for getting dumped by the guy she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31266

You deserved it

79196

Favorite

By kal - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34605

You deserved it

6761

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11584

You deserved it

1113

Favorite

By strwbrry - United States

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36191

You deserved it

2840

Favorite

By IMayBeAFool - United States

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43134

You deserved it

3785

Favorite

By oopsydaisy - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6656

You deserved it

607

Favorite

By omfgitburns

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48372

You deserved it

2851

Favorite

By WhyMe - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52510

You deserved it

4294

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34812

You deserved it

44785

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 17:01

Good listener

Today, in a deep depression, on my worst night, I reached out to a lifeline. Waited an hour for the counselor to arrive, listen for a few minutes, then tell me I should, "Get my mind off of it by planning my prom, sewing a dress or painting my nails." The application clearly shows I'm an adult man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1297

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By Lisaa918 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69106

You deserved it

6159

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12926

You deserved it

887

Favorite

By FailedTraveller

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3559

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By muggle68 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36196

You deserved it

8437

Favorite

By Jeathrow - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36119

You deserved it

3984

Favorite

By oops

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks

972

You deserved it

1682

Favorite

By person - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27553

You deserved it

2964

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 08:01

Cujo, but for cats

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

499

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 23:01

Don't shoot the messenger

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1281

You deserved it

1811

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29801

You deserved it

12467

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4110

You deserved it

523

Favorite

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Top comments

By Bloodknight | 22

#590083 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

I can kind of get a feel where this is going, but with the extreme lack of details, it's hard to say...

By actorkidrox | 0

#590143 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:36

Grandma was talkin' dirty.

COMMENTS

By PsYkIc | 0

#590081 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

wow what a suprise huh…how did he get ur number?

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#1019207 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:00

he???

shortstack104 | 0

#1187548 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 13:58

O_O that mustve been awkward to hear

By Bloodknight | 22

#590083 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

I can kind of get a feel where this is going, but with the extreme lack of details, it's hard to say...

By funnyshit432 | 0

#590084 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

i don't get it :|

actorkidrox | 0

#590143 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:36

Grandma was talkin' dirty.

By dacho | 7

#590087 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

This FLM doesn't show on the homepage :O

ddlovatolover | 23

#5868250 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 8:40

FLM? Really?

By idiots11 | 0

#590150 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:40

I don't get it

kelseyyc | 0

#1002981 - Sunday 23 May 2010 5:11

Its in the intimacy category.... From op's grandma to op's grandpa..... OP says she now knows why her mom has so many siblings( or how many kids her grandparents have) ..... do the math

By moonlit_manga | 0

#590198 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:12

wow.... well it's not an fyl. Nor a ydi (I don't see how it even could) um.....yea.

By doggie3 | 0

#590212 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:23

Oh that's good. 4 all of u who don't get keep reading it over again. Or just turn your brains on. It's pretty obvious.

By shootingstar8D | 0

#590279 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:06

Haaaaa good one!

By OoFoxLoveroO | 0

#590328 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:32

eh wow, that's pretty gross.........

By movies12 | 0

#590506 - Monday 28 September 2009 0:02

If I were u I would probably have a heart attack. Or throw up in my mouth.
FYL!!!!!!