By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Still got game

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25275

You deserved it

2122

Favorite

Intimacy

Family values

Season finale

Mystery woman

By Badday - Canada

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17906

You deserved it

29834

Favorite

By bad boss

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4754

You deserved it

263

Favorite

By stupdude3 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30271

You deserved it

6679

Favorite

By jacie

Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3111

You deserved it

348

Favorite

By GatorBoi - United States

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14398

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2269

Favorite

By -_- - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31388

You deserved it

2700

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9160

You deserved it

61247

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

So that's what the smell was!

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34366

You deserved it

2834

Favorite

By meowymomma - United States

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24428

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43512

You deserved it

5951

Favorite

By gp28 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23831

You deserved it

3990

Favorite

By Orangehead - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30221

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By Sickofbeingsick - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32759

You deserved it

2823

Favorite

By LadyGore - Canada

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28288

You deserved it

6524

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27365

You deserved it

2294

Favorite

By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41520

You deserved it

2310

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01

A ghost

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1265

You deserved it

333

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25104

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29835

You deserved it

2577

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41521

You deserved it

4956

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11712

You deserved it

1019

Favorite

By iamsolid - United States

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25830

You deserved it

1724

Favorite

By TooSunnyForSkin - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56805

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By ugh annoying - United States

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37098

You deserved it

3957

Favorite

By pickuptruckblues - Canada - Mississauga

Final Destination

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31763

You deserved it

3582

Favorite

By diesel444 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36698

You deserved it

23093

Favorite

By cheated

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1892

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By randinosaur - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54051

You deserved it

4222

Favorite

By InPain

The joys of public transport

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1749

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Allergic to Assholes - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22279

You deserved it

1340

Favorite

By Jinx - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4131

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By HungryStudent - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45907

You deserved it

3218

Favorite

By Steve.mc - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37355

You deserved it

7945

Favorite

By Ouch - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10565

You deserved it

26625

Favorite

By leahbeuhh - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12579

You deserved it

70953

Favorite

By pixie - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said "you smell really good." He turned to me and said "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54659

You deserved it

13694

Favorite

By Kitten

Everyone's a Critic

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2895

You deserved it

636

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54435

You deserved it

6062

Favorite

By just great...

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27093

You deserved it

12566

Favorite

By unknown - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37913

You deserved it

2871

Favorite

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Top comments

By Bloodknight | 22

#590083 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

I can kind of get a feel where this is going, but with the extreme lack of details, it's hard to say...

By actorkidrox | 0

#590143 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:36

Grandma was talkin' dirty.

COMMENTS

By PsYkIc | 0

#590081 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

wow what a suprise huh…how did he get ur number?

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#1019207 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:00

he???

shortstack104 | 0

#1187548 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 13:58

O_O that mustve been awkward to hear

By Bloodknight | 22

#590083 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

I can kind of get a feel where this is going, but with the extreme lack of details, it's hard to say...

By funnyshit432 | 0

#590084 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

i don't get it :|

actorkidrox | 0

#590143 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:36

Grandma was talkin' dirty.

By dacho | 7

#590087 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

This FLM doesn't show on the homepage :O

ddlovatolover | 23

#5868250 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 8:40

FLM? Really?

By idiots11 | 0

#590150 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:40

I don't get it

kelseyyc | 0

#1002981 - Sunday 23 May 2010 5:11

Its in the intimacy category.... From op's grandma to op's grandpa..... OP says she now knows why her mom has so many siblings( or how many kids her grandparents have) ..... do the math

By moonlit_manga | 0

#590198 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:12

wow.... well it's not an fyl. Nor a ydi (I don't see how it even could) um.....yea.

By doggie3 | 0

#590212 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:23

Oh that's good. 4 all of u who don't get keep reading it over again. Or just turn your brains on. It's pretty obvious.

By shootingstar8D | 0

#590279 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:06

Haaaaa good one!

By OoFoxLoveroO | 0

#590328 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:32

eh wow, that's pretty gross.........

By movies12 | 0

#590506 - Monday 28 September 2009 0:02

If I were u I would probably have a heart attack. Or throw up in my mouth.
FYL!!!!!!