Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden...

By Anonymous - 05/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 583

You deserved it 8 747

Intimacy

Vulture

Late term

Witches Brew

Freedom of speech

By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 1 818

By lpspann87 - 24/09/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 029

You deserved it 2 564

By Gemini gang - 27/07/2019 04:04

Today, my family surprised me for my birthday by showing up with a chocolate cake and my ex-boyfriend from back home. They all forgot I'm allergic to chocolate, that I broke up with him about a year ago, and that he’s been trying to win me back ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 94

By iliveformystery - 31/10/2014 15:56 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 137

You deserved it 6 546

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 3 219

Woohoo, party time!

By Dp. - 27/03/2021 13:59

Today, after 22 years, I finally got promoted to senior tech. My wife bitched about the reheated lasagna and I drank a fifth of whiskey. A celebration dinner to remember FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 132

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

By zarko - 14/02/2017 14:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 276

You deserved it 5 551

Love Hurts

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 03:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 749

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 942

You deserved it 3 699

Smooth criminal

By nickim756 - 13/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 400

You deserved it 6 209

Nite Flights

By jetlagged - 16/01/2011 17:17 - Sweden

Today, for an eight-hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 906

You deserved it 3 685

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 400

You deserved it 32 525

By Nanda - 14/06/2016 06:03 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 359

You deserved it 1 137

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 731

You deserved it 10 487

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 728

You deserved it 5 088

Heavy load

By Anon - 18/12/2019 14:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 371

By cupcake_butt - 17/10/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 998

You deserved it 4 378

By Anonymous - 15/11/2017 15:00

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 445

You deserved it 240

Toxic workplaces

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 14:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I'm working in a book company where the boss is stingy, and has promoted an incompetent and rude manager. This trickled down to the whole department where I work being ran as a ego-stroking place. The colleagues are the worst type of people imaginable with jealousy and inferiority complexes at their core. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 042

You deserved it 58 787

By jccwell - 23/09/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 031

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 470

You deserved it 1 535

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking in the house. When I was done, I stomped it out. I wasn't wearing shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 099

You deserved it 66 065

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 870

You deserved it 7 594

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 06:50 - Singapore

Today, my son told his teacher that she "has a nice rack." He's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 11 704

My boobs don't lie

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 22:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I got a fancy new bra made of organic cotton. Or, well, the outside of it is. The inside, which actually touches my skin, is made of 100% polyester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 23:20 - Canada

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 521

You deserved it 3 019

By fuck you, mum - 11/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 569

You deserved it 4 150

By Anonymous - 14/07/2011 08:40 - Austria

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 2 839

By Anonymous - 05/03/2018 01:30

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 306

First impressions

By wiseoldone - 03/02/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I'm going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out. I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 009

You deserved it 8 180

By annonoymus - 16/03/2010 16:00 - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 694

You deserved it 46 970

By kirstyrd - 12/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 36 011

By tattooed - 30/11/2010 15:50 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 496

You deserved it 3 712

By JeezyCherieze - 11/04/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 089

You deserved it 4 030

Observational comedy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2020 22:59

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 146

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 853

You deserved it 6 617

Cougar

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:08 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 60

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 775

You deserved it 5 213

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 275

You deserved it 27 046

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Top comments

NikkaRoze 6

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:31

I bet he didn't think those were crys of pain

lysx84 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:31

He maybe couldn't tell the difference between cries of pain and pleasure? Guys like a bit of noise...

Dallasluver19 14

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:28

Crying turns him on?

Kyuzomi 12

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:41

It might be a misunderstanding from her boyfriends point of view. Distressed confused with pleasure I guess.

foxy_grampa 19

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:58

He probably thought she was crying out in pleasure, not pain. Some girls could scream like they're in pain when it's really pleasure, so it would fit

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:13

I don't think OP was bawling because of a foot cramp so I don't see how you'd think crying turned him on. I can understand the boyfriends motivation because he probably thought he was doing a good job. Moans of pleasure and pain go hand in hand most of the time. I know when I stub my toe I usually yell something like, "You dirty fucking whore", which is the same exact thing I say after I finish during sex.

Ambient25 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 3:55

Once again McFeeli you've made me laugh out loud. I love you lol.

iknowiwantyou 13

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Friday 6 December 2013 5:51

how cute, I sense a bromance blossoming.

bubblyhayley 16

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Friday 6 December 2013 9:29

why not just tell him to stop?!? obv he thought they were pleasure cries!! I dont get girls! y would u carry on!?

1two3four5six 23

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Monday 5 May 2014 1:48

that's a real fetish that some people actually have, you know.

CelticSkye 13

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:30

Oh dear...that's only a good thing if you want it to be a good thing. It's time to have a chat with your bf!

golden_warrior 23

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:54

How could being in pain be a good thing? Confused as fuck, don worry I'm in pain but it's a good thing - said no one ever...

Vanillanougat 14

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:09

I was about to suggest that you google "S&M" but perhaps that's not such a good idea...

iknowiwantyou 13

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:33

25, sometimes people like the feeling of pain. I remember when I used to have braces I used to love when I went to get them tightened because the pain was so satisfying. I still crave that feeling of pain sometimes.

mattjamt 16

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Friday 6 December 2013 18:51

25 - Its not that uncommon for a girl to cry out during sex...

NikkaRoze 6

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:31

I bet he didn't think those were crys of pain

iglesia 11

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:09

That was what I was thinking... He probably didn't mean to be inconsiderate, and maybe thought OP was enjoying it

DrownedMyFish 18

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:15

Why is everyone saying this? Maybe OP's boyfriend does get turned on by people screaming in pain. I know I sure as hell do. Nothing sets the mood like other people suffering in pain and agony.

Ambient25 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 3:46

Are into what, making a girl climax? I think all guys should be...

Ambient25 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 4:21

I'm sorry I don't do political correctness.

MissBoo111 21

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Friday 6 December 2013 4:31

Cries* I'm sorry but that really bugged me. Not trying to be rude.

lysx84 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:31

He maybe couldn't tell the difference between cries of pain and pleasure? Guys like a bit of noise...

ComoEsJuan 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:32

Someone has some mommy issues.

uoeno_fml 20

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:46

I do, how did you know?

cakefete2 30

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:50

What does this have to do with their mother? Go to the corner and think about what you've done wrong.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:58

23- I'll save the psychology lesson and go to the corner..

NotAddictive 6

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Friday 6 December 2013 2:17

No now I want to know how this equals mommy issues. spill your psychology

sicksadworld1317 30

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Friday 6 December 2013 3:03

When it's Freud, there's always mommy issues! They must have been reading lately.

TheRealPitBoss 17

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:32

Every man would have!

ComoEsJuan 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:37

Umm...no.

Zomg_Okay 26

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:41

13 - Yes if they mistook the cries of pain for cries of pleasure, which I'd bet was the case.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:47

I'm really not too sure about you guys, but pleasure cries are distinctly different than those of pain to me.

ElmoSaysSquishy 28

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:51

Most decent people would ask if their partner was okay as well. Sometimes when my girlfriend and I have sex she'll ask if she thinks a sound I made could be pain.

ClashParody 21

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Friday 6 December 2013 21:20

In my opinion, stopping to ask 'are you okay?' in the middle of sex would be a huge turnoff. If your partner doesn't have enough sense to say 'stop' or 'ow' or anything other than a moan when something like that happens, there's an issue.

fwongraven 10

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:32

That's fucked up, maybe your cries sounded like the fake-moaning in porn? Especially Asian porn.

Ambient25 24

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Friday 6 December 2013 3:52

"I don't always compare my sex life to porn, but when I do, I focus on the fake moans"

mallu86 9

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Friday 6 December 2013 20:35

Stay witty, my friend.

theonex17 15

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Friday 6 December 2013 1:33

New method of faking an orgasm?

mallu86 9

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Friday 6 December 2013 20:39

When you fire a gun, don't aim it towards you. And even if you do, try not to pull the trigger. Unless you're trying to kill your self. If that's the case, mission accomplished.