Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning...

By only my life - 22/4/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

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Intimacy

Incognito browsing

That'll be Kevin in accounting

No Gods, No Masters

By Anonymous - 23/8/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 11:01 - United States - Marietta

#ForeverAlone

Today, I woke up realizing that not even the scammer that I told I would pay for her friendship wanted to be my friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

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By fuck you mom - 17/4/2020 20:00

Boozehound

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2013 04:24 - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

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By Anon - 17/2/2012 20:43 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

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By FUKDOUG - 15/1/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

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By whorecrux - 2/7/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

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By BrokeCollegeStudent - 30/6/2017 18:00

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 23:00 - Canada

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

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By fattysonparade - 21/7/2010 01:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

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By anonymous - 1/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

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By make america date again - 10/2/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

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By FirstDaddy - 16/6/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

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By LivingInSin - 27/1/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

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By disneyworld - 14/2/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2015 12:34 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

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By screwed - 22/12/2010 17:56 - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

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By Liz - 11/8/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By sadgf - 25/7/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 02:03

Explain that one

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

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By FuckYou - 2/7/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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By Birthday Boy - 6/12/2017 05:00

Happy Birthday

Today, my family asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. They shot down my every suggestion and decided on sushi. I'm allergic, so the only thing I could eat was a veggie appetizer. Dad said I need to "expand my palate." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2015 00:16 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

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By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - 16/9/2015 13:42 - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

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By Hairball - 1/9/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

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By Stella - 20/12/2009 03:30 - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

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By dry spell - 2/7/2013 16:17 - United States - Belfair

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

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By pissed out pants - 18/1/2015 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 17:27 - United States - Sandy

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

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By hc11bmd - 19/6/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

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By whoawhat - 11/11/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

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By althornton2462 - 12/10/2015 00:27 - United States - Hudson

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

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By Charley - 25/11/2016 10:44

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

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By kp - 31/8/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

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By Acidic Donut - 30/6/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

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By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Feelings

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

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Top comments

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

COMMENTS

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

HersheySquirts | 17

#5923278 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:03

He just could not fullfill your satisfaction..... as guys we will make any reason for such situation.

NotR3ddy | 20

#5923339 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:58

He might've cramped from trying too hard haha

GeneralStew | 7

#5923360 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:17

Remember everyone stretch before sex so no unfortunate cramps ruin everything. :P

skeeter551 | 10

#5923610 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:19

ahhh! so tight!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

nchic01 | 17

#5923318 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:38

but still a major buzz kill

Mr_Loudmouth | 9

#5923344 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:02

Catching a cramp during sex is no joke. Once during sex, both of my quads cramped up on me simultaneously. That was horrible.

13ky13 | 20

#5923771 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:16

Major Buzzkill *salutes*

By baseballbv | 17

#5923192 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

At least you got the satisfaction of knowing you pleased him.

By damaniii | 7

#5923193 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

I guess it was too much of a "feet" to handle.

aleahlioness | 15

#5923271 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:53

Feat, guys.. Feat.

By rhysfucker | 24

#5923194 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

You'll be able to laugh about this later; for many years if you stay together. Cherish the small funny moments!

By CoGhostRider | 31

#5923196 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

Oh the agony of "de feet"

By belljars | 22

#5923206 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

What its love?

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5923441 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:54

What?

colombiatti | 14

#5923448 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 8:00

Let me finish that for you #7 ;)

Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh uh

By emily4040 | 18

#5923207 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

Sorry OP. You gotta feel bad after that.

By junkman6 | 22

#5923211 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:13

Am I the only guy sex starved enough to say he wouldn't stop having sex because of a foot cramp?

SnazzyPotter | 17

#5923249 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:32

*looks around the room*
*whispers in a squeaking voice* "....no"

genYnot | 19

#5923292 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:20

I'm a girl and I still agree with you. I wouldn't stop either.

NightHawk387 | 22

#5923342 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:00

You've obviously never had a really agonizing foot cramp. Foot cramps are the worst kind of muscle cramps.

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5923365 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:32

I'd probably feel too awkward to stop because of a foot cramp...
...

wannabeactress71 | 8

#5923405 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 6:25

I'm a girl so it might be different but foot cramps are the WORST of all cramps. It feels like your foot is caving in and it's just very painful.

Godsofdracos | 15

#5923423 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:18

Wait until you experience one during sex. You might say you won't stop but that's not true at all.

I think mine went "Ow, ow, ow, oh shit leg cramp"

glabberfasted | 16

#5923614 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:27

58 - Speaking as someone who has prescription narcotics specifically FOR period cramps... Muscle cramps are much worse. What's worse about period cramps are that they don't go away as fast.

junkman6 | 22

#5924277 - Thursday 24 April 2014 1:39

I've played sports all my life so I've had my fair share of cramps. Including foot cramps. "Finish the play and die after." "Rub some dirt on it." Both sayings come to mind immediately.