Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning...

By only my life - 22/04/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 732

You deserved it 6 708

Intimacy

Leave us alone

This Charming Man

Long time gone

By Sam - 03/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 972

You deserved it 9 587

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 386

You deserved it 6 977

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 3 602

By Anonymous - 03/11/2013 21:32 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 44 883

By mothers - 12/05/2013 17:21 - United States

Today, my daughter posted a beautiful, touching status on my Facebook wall for Mother's Day. It wasn't so touching that she'd just copied and pasted the one I wrote for her grandmother and sent it back to me, unedited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 909

You deserved it 4 252

By wow - 12/12/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 147

You deserved it 4 501

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 17:52 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 207

You deserved it 3 303

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 256

By clarakipper - 25/09/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 497

You deserved it 2 713

By Ves - 03/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 380

You deserved it 8 468

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 12:00

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 108

Le Epic Bacon

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 21:30

Today, after years of struggling with acne, I found out that it's caused by all the bacon I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 1 182

By Anonymous - 03/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Waterford

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 947

You deserved it 2 228

By LocallyBrewed - 27/02/2015 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 688

You deserved it 2 677

Nutter on the bus

By Kevin - 18/03/2021 21:30

Today, some guy at the bus stop screamed at me because the bus was coming and I wasn’t wearing my mask. I was standing 25 feet from the stop finishing a smoke and there was no one around me. When I sat down on the bus, with my mask on, he stared me down the whole ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 155

Good food

By GoulashQueen - 08/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 473

By ZSL - 17/08/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 627

You deserved it 9 033

Healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 11:01

Today, I’m massively depressed and I live in a state that will prosecute you for attempted suicide, but will do nothing to help you afford mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 81

By gudmarjoh - 08/12/2010 23:09 - Iceland

Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch the bus. On my way to the bus, my hair got caught in a branch for some minutes. Thinking I'd missed the bus but thankfully didn't, I went on. A few minutes later I remembered that my exam had been postponed for 3 hours today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 123

You deserved it 10 200

By HoHoSnow - 09/12/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 2 190

Bitches

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 21:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, after spending eight weeks making a life-size clay Cocker Spaniel in class. I left it in the middle of a large table in the empty art classroom, ready to paint, and went to the bathroom for a minute. I came back to see two young girls shiftily running out of said classroom, walked in and it was in shards on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 64

Social parasites

By Dank memes - 16/08/2021 22:01 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I can’t even find a place to rent. Every place has dozens of applications, with several offering well over asking price. I just graduated from college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 78

By iamrose - 13/06/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 888

You deserved it 5 696

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 72

By Jen - 20/10/2016 16:32

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 711

You deserved it 610

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 16:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 751

You deserved it 2 329

Solo

By AmIworthit? - 13/08/2021 10:01 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I had to admit to an attractive coworker that it wasn't a hickey on my neck, but a mosquito bite instead. I then realized how alone I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 92

By babysitter93 - 22/07/2009 12:17 - United States

Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 843

You deserved it 3 543

By collegegirl90 - 09/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 870

You deserved it 111 354

The main characters

By sarsuela - 08/07/2021 04:01

Today, we gave my in-laws-to-be our wedding invitations. Their first reaction was to assume we needed money and told us they couldn't help pay for the wedding. Their second move was to book hair and make-up for themselves. Congratulations? FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 86

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 314

By thehunterofprey - 22/06/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my parents as gay and they reacted better than I expected. Then I found my car destroyed with a note that said "fag" on what used to be my hood. I never thought I'd have to sue my own family, but I'm lucky I have security footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 612

You deserved it 421

By Jen - 26/11/2018 07:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 256

By imcold - 30/12/2012 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 796

You deserved it 2 765

By nosymptoms - 10/02/2012 00:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 630

You deserved it 7 241

By sorrygranny - 21/01/2013 16:11 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 082

You deserved it 41 279

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 480

You deserved it 5 615

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 10:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at a very important meeting with a client and I had to use the bathroom. I was so nervous that I squirted white soap all up my suit jacket. My client walked in and commented on my "jizzy" blazer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 061

You deserved it 2 102

By housepoor - 07/07/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I met with my realtor to close on a house for my boyfriend and me. While waiting for my boyfriend, I got a text message from him saying he was breaking up with me. I had already signed the papers on our house. Now I'm responsible for a mortgage that I can only afford with his help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 693

You deserved it 14 183

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Top comments

Beanu 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

piedpiper303 29

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

piedpiper303 29

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

HersheySquirts 17

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:03

He just could not fullfill your satisfaction..... as guys we will make any reason for such situation.

NotR3ddy 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:58

He might've cramped from trying too hard haha

GeneralStew 7

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:17

Remember everyone stretch before sex so no unfortunate cramps ruin everything. :P

skeeter551 10

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:19

ahhh! so tight!

Beanu 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

nchic01 17

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:38

but still a major buzz kill

Mr_Loudmouth 9

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:02

Catching a cramp during sex is no joke. Once during sex, both of my quads cramped up on me simultaneously. That was horrible.

13ky13 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:16

Major Buzzkill *salutes*

baseballbv 17

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

At least you got the satisfaction of knowing you pleased him.

damaniii 7

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

I guess it was too much of a "feet" to handle.

aleahlioness 15

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:53

Feat, guys.. Feat.

rhysfucker 24

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

You'll be able to laugh about this later; for many years if you stay together. Cherish the small funny moments!

CoGhostRider 31

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

Oh the agony of "de feet"

belljars 22

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

What its love?

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:54

What?

colombiatti 14

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 8:00

Let me finish that for you #7 ;) Baby, don't hurt me Don't hurt me no more What is love? Baby, don't hurt me Don't hurt me no more Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh uh

emily4040 18

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

Sorry OP. You gotta feel bad after that.

junkman6 22

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:13

Am I the only guy sex starved enough to say he wouldn't stop having sex because of a foot cramp?

SnazzyPotter 17

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:32

*looks around the room* *whispers in a squeaking voice* "....no"

genYnot 19

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:20

I'm a girl and I still agree with you. I wouldn't stop either.

NightHawk387 22

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:00

You've obviously never had a really agonizing foot cramp. Foot cramps are the worst kind of muscle cramps.

ohcheriecherie 20

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:32

I'd probably feel too awkward to stop because of a foot cramp... ...

wannabeactress71 8

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 6:25

I'm a girl so it might be different but foot cramps are the WORST of all cramps. It feels like your foot is caving in and it's just very painful.

Godsofdracos 15

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:18

Wait until you experience one during sex. You might say you won't stop but that's not true at all. I think mine went "Ow, ow, ow, oh shit leg cramp"

glabberfasted 16

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Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:27

58 - Speaking as someone who has prescription narcotics specifically FOR period cramps... Muscle cramps are much worse. What's worse about period cramps are that they don't go away as fast.

junkman6 22

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Thursday 24 April 2014 1:39

I've played sports all my life so I've had my fair share of cramps. Including foot cramps. "Finish the play and die after." "Rub some dirt on it." Both sayings come to mind immediately.