Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning...

By only my life - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

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Intimacy

And today, on Dr Phil…

Gentle

Rock and a hard place

By shameonme - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By corey - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

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By TJ - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

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By Paul - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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By bad sleeper - 19/5/2021 08:00 - United States

Thrashing

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

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By Anonymous

You idiot!

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By thebrokentardis - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

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By AnnieThrax - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

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By Cakeman - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

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By Greig - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

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By notmyrealname123 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

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By calamity janet

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By shawty - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

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By hobo - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

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By ravenskater

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

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By ohIlike - Australia

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

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By jerk - United States

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

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By jadakorn - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

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By Bug - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

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By anonymous_0505 - Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

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By I'm a moron

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

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By district12 - United Kingdom

Fart wars

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2021 02:01

Mean Girls

Today, I tried out for cheerleading. The judges, two head cheerleaders, sized me up, burst out laughing and made fat jokes towards me. I fought back and called them, "twiggy fucking sluts." At that moment, the coach walked in and saw and reported me to the principal. The judges got off scott free. FML

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By absense - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

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By evecamp - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

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By Ohgodmother - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

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By BlackRavenWings - United States

Today, I noticed a picture in an elderly patients room, of a pretty girl in a bikini. Trying to be funny and lighten the mood, I said, "Looks like you have some good eye candy to help you recover faster." With a stern look he replied, "That's my granddaughter." FML

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By anonymaiacciu - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

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By Anonymous

Strawberry surprise

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

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Top comments

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

COMMENTS

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

HersheySquirts | 17

#5923278 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:03

He just could not fullfill your satisfaction..... as guys we will make any reason for such situation.

NotR3ddy | 20

#5923339 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:58

He might've cramped from trying too hard haha

GeneralStew | 7

#5923360 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:17

Remember everyone stretch before sex so no unfortunate cramps ruin everything. :P

skeeter551 | 10

#5923610 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:19

ahhh! so tight!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

nchic01 | 17

#5923318 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:38

but still a major buzz kill

Mr_Loudmouth | 9

#5923344 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:02

Catching a cramp during sex is no joke. Once during sex, both of my quads cramped up on me simultaneously. That was horrible.

13ky13 | 20

#5923771 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:16

Major Buzzkill *salutes*

By baseballbv | 17

#5923192 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

At least you got the satisfaction of knowing you pleased him.

By damaniii | 7

#5923193 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

I guess it was too much of a "feet" to handle.

aleahlioness | 15

#5923271 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:53

Feat, guys.. Feat.

By rhysfucker | 24

#5923194 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

You'll be able to laugh about this later; for many years if you stay together. Cherish the small funny moments!

By CoGhostRider | 31

#5923196 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

Oh the agony of "de feet"

By belljars | 22

#5923206 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

What its love?

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5923441 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:54

What?

colombiatti | 14

#5923448 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 8:00

Let me finish that for you #7 ;)

Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh uh

By emily4040 | 18

#5923207 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

Sorry OP. You gotta feel bad after that.

By junkman6 | 22

#5923211 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:13

Am I the only guy sex starved enough to say he wouldn't stop having sex because of a foot cramp?

SnazzyPotter | 17

#5923249 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:32

*looks around the room*
*whispers in a squeaking voice* "....no"

genYnot | 19

#5923292 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:20

I'm a girl and I still agree with you. I wouldn't stop either.

NightHawk387 | 22

#5923342 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:00

You've obviously never had a really agonizing foot cramp. Foot cramps are the worst kind of muscle cramps.

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5923365 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:32

I'd probably feel too awkward to stop because of a foot cramp...
...

wannabeactress71 | 8

#5923405 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 6:25

I'm a girl so it might be different but foot cramps are the WORST of all cramps. It feels like your foot is caving in and it's just very painful.

Godsofdracos | 15

#5923423 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:18

Wait until you experience one during sex. You might say you won't stop but that's not true at all.

I think mine went "Ow, ow, ow, oh shit leg cramp"

glabberfasted | 16

#5923614 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:27

58 - Speaking as someone who has prescription narcotics specifically FOR period cramps... Muscle cramps are much worse. What's worse about period cramps are that they don't go away as fast.

junkman6 | 22

#5924277 - Thursday 24 April 2014 1:39

I've played sports all my life so I've had my fair share of cramps. Including foot cramps. "Finish the play and die after." "Rub some dirt on it." Both sayings come to mind immediately.