Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning...

By only my life - 22/4/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

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Intimacy

Instadrama

Rock, hard place

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Anonymous - 2/8/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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By praise the prenup - 3/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Delaware

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2014 20:06 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

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By PissyPants - 20/6/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By hellangelrose - 26/8/2014 07:48 - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

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By Unknown - 26/10/2008 12:56 - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

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By Kate - 4/7/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

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By Bob - 20/6/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

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By Naomi - 10/11/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

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By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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By Juggernaut Drive - 31/10/2018 05:00

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

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By Cheech - 29/6/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

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By KC - 25/4/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

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By Awie - 20/10/2011 08:26 - Austria

Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML

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By tjm - 23/12/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

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By anonymous - 16/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

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By Melissa - 8/3/2020 14:00

Badmouth Strikes Again

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 20:00

That's kinda handy!

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2015 14:49 - United States - Apopka

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

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By 315 - 28/1/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

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By - 6/2/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that the man I've wanted to be with for the last year and a half also wants to be with me. Two weeks ago, I got a promotion! I'm also legally no longer allowed to date him. FML

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By broke - 17/1/2012 16:08 - Canada

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

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By iVaughtTV - 28/2/2012 22:44 - United States

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

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By Belt issues - 9/6/2016 12:21 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

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By malos - 12/8/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

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By Justlooking - 28/7/2017 20:00

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

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By jamisbetter - 11/4/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 17:47 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

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By DefinitelyNotDogshit - 28/8/2013 04:06 - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

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By Carebeareatu - 13/3/2020 15:00

Keeping up appearances

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

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By Headless - 29/5/2015 13:04 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By ThatTrafficCone - 4/10/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 05:04 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

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By edulover - 1/1/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

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By Sleepy - 19/3/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 14:29 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

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Top comments

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

Comments

By piedpiper303 | 29

#5923186 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:04

Oh yea! Cramp more foot! Ohhhh yeaaaa!!!!

HersheySquirts | 17

#5923278 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:03

He just could not fullfill your satisfaction..... as guys we will make any reason for such situation.

NotR3ddy | 20

#5923339 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:58

He might've cramped from trying too hard haha

GeneralStew | 7

#5923360 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:17

Remember everyone stretch before sex so no unfortunate cramps ruin everything. :P

skeeter551 | 10

#5923610 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:19

ahhh! so tight!

By Beanu | 20

#5923188 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:06

At least you caused pleasure and satisfaction for him while rubbing his foot better

nchic01 | 17

#5923318 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:38

but still a major buzz kill

Mr_Loudmouth | 9

#5923344 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:02

Catching a cramp during sex is no joke. Once during sex, both of my quads cramped up on me simultaneously. That was horrible.

13ky13 | 20

#5923771 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 16:16

Major Buzzkill *salutes*

By baseballbv | 17

#5923192 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

At least you got the satisfaction of knowing you pleased him.

By damaniii | 7

#5923193 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:07

I guess it was too much of a "feet" to handle.

aleahlioness | 15

#5923271 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:53

Feat, guys.. Feat.

By rhysfucker | 24

#5923194 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

You'll be able to laugh about this later; for many years if you stay together. Cherish the small funny moments!

By CoGhostRider | 31

#5923196 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:08

Oh the agony of "de feet"

By belljars | 22

#5923206 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

What its love?

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5923441 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:54

What?

colombiatti | 14

#5923448 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 8:00

Let me finish that for you #7 ;)

Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh uh

By emily4040 | 18

#5923207 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:12

Sorry OP. You gotta feel bad after that.

By junkman6 | 22

#5923211 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:13

Am I the only guy sex starved enough to say he wouldn't stop having sex because of a foot cramp?

SnazzyPotter | 17

#5923249 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 3:32

*looks around the room*
*whispers in a squeaking voice* "....no"

genYnot | 19

#5923292 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:20

I'm a girl and I still agree with you. I wouldn't stop either.

NightHawk387 | 22

#5923342 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:00

You've obviously never had a really agonizing foot cramp. Foot cramps are the worst kind of muscle cramps.

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5923365 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 5:32

I'd probably feel too awkward to stop because of a foot cramp...
...

wannabeactress71 | 8

#5923405 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 6:25

I'm a girl so it might be different but foot cramps are the WORST of all cramps. It feels like your foot is caving in and it's just very painful.

Godsofdracos | 15

#5923423 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:18

Wait until you experience one during sex. You might say you won't stop but that's not true at all.

I think mine went "Ow, ow, ow, oh shit leg cramp"

glabberfasted | 16

#5923614 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 12:27

58 - Speaking as someone who has prescription narcotics specifically FOR period cramps... Muscle cramps are much worse. What's worse about period cramps are that they don't go away as fast.

junkman6 | 22

#5924277 - Thursday 24 April 2014 1:39

I've played sports all my life so I've had my fair share of cramps. Including foot cramps. "Finish the play and die after." "Rub some dirt on it." Both sayings come to mind immediately.