Love: Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came...

By lovealways22 - 17/07/2012 07:19 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 2 820

Love

Batman

Broken heart

Too clever

By Zoey_M - 08/07/2013 23:26 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 154

You deserved it 3 731

By fml...really - 27/11/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 425

You deserved it 4 078

By mandy - 23/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 843

You deserved it 6 680

By mcullen21 - 12/06/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 261

You deserved it 11 675

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 15:30 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 5 234

When pranks go wrong

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 2 204

By Annoyed student - 29/04/2017 04:00

Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 741

You deserved it 1 515

The gift that keeps on giving!

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 19:30 - United States - New Bremen

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 518

You deserved it 494

By Shnur - 05/04/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 609

You deserved it 20 762

By fuckshit - 04/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 4 573

By bells - 30/12/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 998

You deserved it 28 515

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 324

You deserved it 7 662

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 225

You deserved it 27 512

Big Little Lies

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 182

Neat and tidy

By jjhach - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Aldouane

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 3 597

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 06:00

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 143

You deserved it 433

Oh, the irony

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 07:56

Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 72

Make your mind up

By firedupasshole - 27/07/2020 05:01

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 126

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 18 857

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 990

You deserved it 9 521

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 3 444

By Anonymous - 29/04/2019 14:00

Today, after the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office and since he became buddy buddy with management, they believed him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 1 837

Long haul

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 20:01

Today, my flight from China to Moscow arrived late, making me miss my next transfer flight back home to Ireland. I had to wait for 24 hours for the next flight, without food vouchers, without a free hotel room, and without a free plane ticket that the airport was suppose to give. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 79

By Boo - 16/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 449

You deserved it 377

Wear your masks

By Breath of fresh air - 03/08/2020 17:01

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 339

The cupcake incident

By kandi - 04/05/2009 07:34 - Philippines

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I rested on the glass protecting the cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 417

You deserved it 79 712

By uncool - 16/04/2011 06:11 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 578

You deserved it 5 006

By cassidy_smith12 - 24/08/2013 14:55 - United States - Medina

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 430

You deserved it 3 552

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 142

You deserved it 528

By jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 035

You deserved it 6 451

Rage Quit

By Redsnation - 08/08/2017 05:02

Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 666

You deserved it 502

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 535

You deserved it 5 473

By Anonymous - 07/04/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 53 533

By mando - 06/10/2011 15:14 - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 6 984

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 16:32 - Russian Federation

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 954

You deserved it 5 721

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 140

You deserved it 4 220

By arrogantlondon - 16/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 332

You deserved it 7 383

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 762

You deserved it 14 232

By onething - 08/07/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 662

You deserved it 17 869

By Ophelia - 08/06/2016 04:05 - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 810

You deserved it 1 045

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Top comments

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:30

You can go fishing with him. :)

crazytiger16 8

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:31

He can still fish with your dad. :p

Dcm210 19

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:29

first

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:32

...to give a blowjob to a seagull

pslcdsl 9

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:33

Out of all things you can write as the first comment, you decide to write "first"?

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:30

You can go fishing with him. :)

k_ninjaa 9

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:36

op: your dad is a dick for saying that.

icrest80 4

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:53

I think he was just trying to make something funny out of a bad situation

lfrider92 21

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:57

Who wouldn't want to spend time fishing with there dad?

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:11

*their

Qandol 26

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:12

OP's dad isn't dick, he was just trying to cheer up his daughter, not every father is evil as we all may think.

drunkandfml 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:17

There's nothing better than a little father daughter bonding time

mylifesucks_fml 1

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:31

Wow. haha, sounds like the dads more concerned about his breakup with your ex! 3 years... thats a longish dating relationship too! sorry OP :

rooney0710 5

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:47

You basically said the dad was gay with the daughters boyfriends. Interesting...

astoryofroses 9

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:00

I think he was trying to get you to smile. I do something like that to my friends too. when they're sad, I say they can cry on my shoulder, then "wait, no, it's a new shirt" which cracks a small smile on their faces. in this case, however, I think he failed...

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:14

so 30, if two guys have a relationship then they're automatically gay? interesting. 30, can you say latent homosexual? eh, doesn't matter if you can say it as long as the show fits.

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:24

ugh stupid autocorrect. I meant shoe, as long as the shoe fits

mylifesucks_fml 1

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:37

30- i was saying it was a long dating relationship for her. and the "breakup" with the dad wasnt saying they were dating. it was saying that it was almost like he broke up with the dad too if they had a close enough relationship to go fishing.

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 18:34

30- he was joking. It wasn't a very good joke...

NeatNit 32

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 2:55

58 you ruined the streak of round comment numbers!

crazytiger16 8

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:31

He can still fish with your dad. :p

Blacksabbath211 9

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 6:24

Hellyes he can :D

kyleekay 25

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:33

Your dad probably wanted to be sweet and supportive, but couldn't figure out what to say. I know my dad has meant to say nice things before, but instead made comments that made things worse. Sorry about the break-up OP, hopefully something positive will come of it.

yareens80 3

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:02

You fucking hot

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:15

*you're.

Keliosan 6

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:28

Kay - I know how that is too lol (except from a guy stuff and mom point of view) OP just don't take it so hard if he's not good at being comforting some people just can't do it. Be happy he's trying. 43- you fucking creepy!

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:29

*you're

Keliosan 6

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:31

It was a joke but I appreciate your effort.

olpally 32

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:58

43- she's also married... Idiot.

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 18:05

so, married people can't be hot?

Llamacod 11

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 18:07

I know it was a joke I apologize for my correcting you it was also a joke, although I admit it was a bad one

Drigr 9

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 18:39

I know how that is, 7. My dad is horrible with break up help. When my girlfriend and I "broke up" (still seeing each other so I don't know what the fuck we are), all my dad would tell me is move on and forget about her, which is easier said than done when you love someone.

steelflax 5

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 2:36

Not everything is about u

FlavorlessPie 7

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:33

He can go fishing with me!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 17:29

I love fishing with my dad; it's relaxing. And I'm a girl ^^

appleemartiinii 2

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Thursday 9 August 2012 5:18

#102 is right.. LOL

SkoomaKi 27

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:33

It would be good to start learning to fish with your dad. It would certainly take your mind of the whole break up and you could bond with your dad.

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:41

I agree all the way. It's extremely unlikely that OPs dad will stop loving her out of the blue, so why not make the best of that relationship for both the father and the daughter?

Meme1988 18

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:33

LOVE is in the air... Take your time, you will be okay and get over him soon hopefully.. :)

tennisrapper1 14

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Tuesday 17 July 2012 16:49

Agreed. People always reflect on breakups in a bad way. They do suck, but once you get over them and move on, it's easy to look at how much you enjoyed spending time with that person. Memories are irreplaceable, but the future is always bright if you make it that way.