Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
TheCerealKiller 24
You should probably give him a talk about genetics. Even if the baby didn't have his features it could still be his. XD
xSkittle 16
He isn't really a smart one, is he?
Enslaved 38
Hey, with all these women on "Maury" saying "I'm 100 &10% sure my boyfriend is my baby daddy", only to hear him say, "you are not the father"?
StylisedFatalism 6
I believe it's conventionally written 110
KushCrushin89 10
True. But the dumb ***** on that show always pronounce it 100 & 10.
StylisedFatalism 6
That's because that's how it's pronounced...doesn't mean that's how it's written
Enslaved 38
Not that it really matters but no it's not. 110 is pronounced "one hundred ten". There isn't an "and" said in there. #151 (not said- one hundred "and" fifty-one) is correct, I wrote it that way because the guest usually say it that way. :P Also "and" is normally used when talking about money to indicate cents.(: ex $100.10
naya_bingi 11
According to every check I've ever seen its "one hundred and ten dollars" not "one hundred ten".
MP78_fml 7
Even though I agree the people and message on the show are pretty intolerable, there is reasoning behind the misconception of the "and". When you say 1.01, you wouldn't say "one zero one", that could be 101 for all we know. So, when a decimal point is seen we say "and" or "point". We could say "one point zero one" OR "one and one hundredth". Percents ARE decimals to some extent. ".98" being 98 percent, we could say "ninety-eight hundredths" mean 98/100, so in origin the "and" comes from fractions and the need for separation. Mainly, I think it could be due to dialect, and it is used as barrier from misunderstandings. While many people find it acceptable to say "one hundred and two" it is not acceptable to say "one hundred fourty and two" but sometimes "one hundred and fourty two" is acceptable. MAYBE the "and" is seen as an addition sign, meaning "100+2" which routes deep into childhood when children are taught to count with blocks to understand the number system and its different place values. I don't think it's murder to say the "and" regardless of how deep we go into the issue.
StylisedFatalism 6
Must be a US/UK divide thing. I rarely I ever hear someone say 'one hundred ten' we always say the 'and' in England. Or so far as I can tell. A bored comment has led to a fairly interestingish discussion and I like seeing little differences between our countries. Sorry if I originally came off as a pedantic bitch though!
MiloBear 11
I found this thread interesting too. I live in South Africa and I have never heard someone say "one hundred ten". If I did I would think they are saying 100.10 or 100 10. In SA we always say "one hundred and ten".
kiaora_fml 11
I have 3 children, when my son was born he looked like his dad, now he looks like me a lot. My other 2 look like their fathers twin, your boyfriend is an idiot
monnanon 14
if they look like the twin surely they look like their father too since they are twins.
blackonblight 33
Fraternal twins exist. Not all twins look alike.
monnanon 14
twins of the same sex are usually identical.
sammyjanette 17
You know a lot of times people who randomly accuse people of cheating and stuff like that do so because they have a guilty conscience...
skitzymew 19
I was going to say the same thing.
thenewgirl29 20
Accusing a woman of cheating right after she gave birth and hormones are a ragin' seems like a pretty dumb idea to me.
salbie 18
Babies are generally born with blue eyes and blonde hair. Hair and eye colour changes a lot when they're young. Tell your boyfriend to stop being such an idiot!
NandaPanda 22
I must be backwards then... I was born looking Chinese, to the point where my dad didn't think I was his lolz! But now I have blue eyes and blonde hair...
SarahAlleen 8
My niece was born with blue eyes and a head full of black hair.
monnanon 14
maybe some caucasion babies. cant imagine many african babies are born with blue eyes and white hair. my sister was born with brown eyes and black hair even though she is white and i was born with black hair that became white blond by the time i was 1.
unlucky_04 10
Well, congratulations! You gave birth to a potato!
gabagabaheyu 10
why did you let him get you pregnant? obviously he knows nothing about babies. good luck with that one OP.
NandaPanda 22
I don't think that's a "he shouldn't procreate" thing... That's more of a "guys typically don't know as much about babies as girls" thing. For instance, my fiancé told me that when his big sister was born, their father took her to the pediatrician because she couldn't crawl and he thought that something was wrong with her. He thought babies were supposed to be able to crawl as soon as they were born lolz XD
I_Like_Vimto 6
Lol I don't think it's a "let" him get her pregnant situation, if they're only boyfriend and girlfriend still then the pregnancy was mostly likely accidental.
queerdragon 20
Not everyone wants to get married.
gabagabaheyu 10
so its ok for men to know nothing about the begining stages of their own species? its a woman thing right?
RedX1000FML 11
Wow OP, that's very accurate.