Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years almost broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did everyone else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
You cheated on your boyfriend with a potato?
wantmeasandwich 26
Not just any potato. An old, wrinkly one. Shame! I hope you can talk your way out of this one, OP.
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Comments (217)
skittyskatbrat 19
Hey, you're now a mom. He's probably starting to look for greener pastures now that he realizes how much work a kid is going to be and how much you changed due to the pregnancy. This is him trying to find an excuse to ditch you and run. Sorry, but YDI; should have gotten a ring!
redmnky21 8
babies are currently born with blue eyes anyways than change color in the first couple months
lvg_fml 10
Let's hope the baby gets his intelligence from mom
dbaguy 9
I'll bet that potato had his eyes on you for a while
captainawesome26 8
are there really guys out there this retarded?
mosquito19 14
he is looking for ways not to be responsible
maddiewoah 15
Ugh.. reminds me of those guys on Maury who would be pointing at the picture of the child saying 'That baby don't look nothin like me! Don't got my eyes, don't got my hair, my nose, nothin!" Or something equally stupid.. They seem to forget that the child isn't always going to look exactly like them.. they might look like the mother! Cause, you know.. the child gets half of its DNA from its mother.. guess they forgot about that too. Sorry that your boyfriend is an idiot, OP.
skyeyez9 25
I saw an episode on Maury where the man swore that the baby "dont look nothin like me" It was funny because this obnoxious smartass kept saying how ugly the baby was and "too ugly to be his." Made fun of the baby's lips, hair, face, everything.... Turns out the baby was his. And 3 seconds later, he was all "My baby boy is so beautiful."
lolita88_fml 27
You cheated on him with a potato....I know who you are. Sasha Braus, you *****.
thunderniron 22
At least he doesn't look like a cucumber :-D